I just had the most scathingly brilliant idea! Okay. I didn't "just" have it. I had it at school this afternoon. And if you must know, I had it while sitting upon the throne in the most private place available, if you disregard those insistent fists banging on the heavy wooden deadbolted door. What's that? You don't feel that you must know that? Sure you don't.
I don't know why this plan popped into my head at that very moment. But here it is:
On April 1, all of the teachers at our lunch table who are not Jewels should bring some sort of fish for our 10:53 repast. Our menu could read like Bubba Gump's shrimp soliloquy. In fact, someone could even bring shrimp for their meal. It's fishy enough. We could have canned salmon, salmon patties, Chicken of the Sea in a can, Starkist tuna in a foil pouch, leftover Captain D's tilapia, Long John Silver's fish planks, a McDonald's filet o' fish, Gorton's beer-battered fish filets, Mrs. Paul's fish sticks, and, if we're lucky...the cafeteria will be serving fish shapes that day. You have fish shapes at your school, don't you? Little nuggets of breaded bread, pressed into likenesses of anchors and finny friends, without much taste unless you push the ketchup plunger over them.
Yeah. Won't that be a great prank? Everybody eating fish on that one day, but not talking about fish? That's the first rule of April Fool's Fish Club: don't talk about April Fool's Fish Club.
Mrs. Hillbilly Mom sometimes leans towards the dark side while she is grabbing a moment of solace at the end of a long work day.