Friday, January 24, 2014

I Suppose The Sacroiliac Is Next

I am without my right-hand man this evening. And my left-hand man. My all-hands-on-deck dude, who hoofs it double-time to fetch whatever I have a hankerin' for. The Pony is cooling his heels in his grandma's paddock tonight. He has looked forward to this escape all week.

As if it's not bad enough that I must fend for myself, and go without hearing "Thank you for..." every time I show The Pony a small kindness, such as warming something in the oven or heating something in the microwave...I have also been coming down with a headache since just before lunch. It's above my eyebrows. Trying to fight it off makes my neck and shoulders tense. In addition, I have been having outbursts of phlegm-coughing at random moments. In fact, a student turned to ask if I was okay. Yeah. Class is not being canceled. I think I saw her crest fall.

My tried and true method of easing this pain has abandoned me like a litter of kittens along a rural mailbox row. I shoved my nose ball to the side. Completely. I daresay my nose ball touched my lower eyelashes. No relief. I bent my nose ball to the other side. And back. Then I heard it. A squeak. No, I don't have a mouse in my pocket. Or in my master bathroom ceiling fan light. The squeak was something inside my nose's nasal compartment. Squeak. Back to the left. Right again. I sensed an opening in development. Then a magical thing happened. I had the urge to sneeze!

I sneezed. Put my nose ball back the original position. Bent it out of shape again. Wait for it...wait for it...SNEEZE! Six times I adjusted the nose ball. Six times I sneezed. That was as good as a feast. I put my nose ball back in place right there on the end of the bridge, standing cartilage sentry to my alluring nostrils. Pressure relieved. The headache now takes a back seat to my shoulder tightness.

If I contort my neck like a poop-eating dog looking guiltily up over his shoulder at his scolding master, it goes away for a bit.

I'm rubber, you're glue.
Whatever makes me ache
Clings to me like
It has no intention of jumping to you. Glue impostor!


Sioux said...

I have been sneezing all day. Five or six sneezes in a row each time.

I'm miserable.

I need another snow day...or five.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Apparently, you have the real thing. I only had the head sinus cloggage. That sneezing blasted my passages clear like dy-no-mite!

Sorry for your misery. I guess you have man-schnozz. Like man-hands, but of the nose. They always sneeze in multiples, without manipulation of the nose-ball.