Monday, January 6, 2014

Short Of Donning A Pair Of Night Vision Goggles Every Time I Get Up, I Can't Guarantee This Was An Isolated Incident

Ooh! The weather outside my warm flannel sheets is frightful.

It was for that very reason that I hurriedly checked on my vociferous fleabags Saturday morning at 5:00 a.m., and navigated my way back to bed. I am not proficient in echolocation, so I step gingerly through the darkness with my arms outstretched like a calmer, less antagonistic Patty Duke as Helen Keller.

I found my far side of the bed without stubbing anything. I tossed back the flannel sheet/quilt open-faced sandwich, and prepared to settle back in for a toasty snooze.

"Oo mft ee eh ah aw!"

"What?" It's hard to hear words spoken directly into a breather mask, muffled by a quilt and flannel sheet over that same mask.

"OO MFT EE EH AH AW!"

"Huh?" Seriously. I am not some meek foreigner asking for directions, to be spoken to with the same words, only louder, as that makes them understand.

"You hit me in the --REDACTED--! With the quilt!"

"Oh. I wanted a soft, fluffy comforter on the bed, but you insisted on this quilt. Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

Give me a break. You'd think I had twirled a wet towel and cavorted through the men's locker room, stalking my victim, and snapping at my target with accuracy to rival that of Linus Van Pelt with his trusty blanket.

Yeah. There's a lesson to be learned here. Give in to Hillbilly Mom, or wear a cup to bed.

4 comments:

Sioux said...

Athletic supporters. They're not just for sports anymore.

Farmer H should realize the woman is ALWAYS right...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Farmer H should now understand the cushy comfort of a COMFORTER compared to a quilt. Maybe he can make up a little word-association thingy:

Comforter=comfort
Quilt=welt

Kathy's Klothesline said...

So, you are a blanket snapper! He Who stumbles in the dark is also a blanket snapper. He doesn't hit me, but the noise wakes me. I am a very light sleeper.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
I did not snap. I merely laid the bedding back to prepare for my grand entrance into dreamland. I cannot help it that a crucial part of Farmer H was in a vulnerable position. I don't know how guys lay around with those things.