Monday, August 25, 2014

Here We See A Full-Throated Book-Snatcher Approach The Knowledge Table

Whew! Pardon me while I take off my pith helmet and wipe the sweat from my brow with my inner elbow. What a day, here at the water hole on the Serengeti! Who knew that watching jackals tear wildebeest limb from limb would be so tiring for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom?

Wait! Did I say water hole on the Serengeti? What I meant to say was that I spent all day sitting by my yellow bubba cup full of melting ice water behind my desk in the classroom. Jackals ripping apart wildebeest? Oh! I am so, so sorry. What I meant to say was that I watched students ripping covers from textbooks all willy-nilly in an effort to grab one not checked out to them before the start of class.

That, my friend, is a major item on Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's Don't Even Think About It List. You are supposed to bring your book every day, or forfeit your free participation points. Especially off limits are books on my tables or bookshelves. They are not checked out to you. So they're not yours. Leave your book in your locker, do without your book. Take the assignment for homework. That'll learn ya! Tough love, baby, tough love!

I checked out books last Thursday. Some are in sad shape. The librarian says they should have been sent back, because they are of poor quality. She ain't a-woofin'! She got a special machine last year that glues the guts back into the skeleton of the textbook. She'll earn the cost of that gadget just by fixing that one set of my textbooks. So...we sent five books per class period down to the library Friday, and she got some of them done and brought them to my room.

Those students thought it was a free-for-all! They were like wily brides-to-be elbowing the competition at Filene's Basement Sale. Like piranhas swarming a dainty pedicured toe dangled over the side of a dugout canoe on the Amazon. Like metal filings rushing to the red magnetic wand to give Woolly Willy a Van Dyke.

Okay. So a couple of kids forgot their book in the locker, and thought they could simply pick one up because it was laying there, all inviting, beckoning to them, "Grab me. I'll make you smarter."

I put a stop to that toot sweet!

This is gonna be a humdinger of a year.


Sioux said...

That's what I thought...Early retirement--featuring hours and hours every day of Farmer H--doesn't sound so bad now, does it!

Barbershop of Horrors. That could be the name of Farmer H's part of the business.

What could YOUR sideline's catchy name be?

Kathy's Klothesline said...

And then those book snatchers grow up and buy a camper for $600 and try to park that jewel of camping at my park and do unspeakable things in the public showers ......

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sometimes, the devil you know is preferable to the multiple devils you are not well-acquainted with.

I could branch out, sell different items to the waiting line. Maybe my business could be: Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Lollies Here. I know. My creativity impresses ME, too.

Yikes! Something tells me that scenario is not a figment of your imagination.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

You are so right!! Involving a certain method of contraception being left on the men's shower floor. Along with the broken shower curtain rod ...... And me being the spokesperson for this campground, I did, indeed address the situation with the culprit and demanded that this never happen again ....... in no uncertain terms. He Who is of a delicate nature when it comes to confrontations .....

Hillbilly Mom said...

Dang! Did you do a DNA test? Do you have hidden cameras? So sure of the culprit...