That’s a rhetorical question. Don’t be shouting, SNAKE…ELEPHANT…HONEY BADGER...at the computer screen.
Oh, dear. I went by my mom’s house to kill a couple hours before Open House. Of course she had gone all out to feed me within an inch of my life. She had dropped in at her local grocery store deli, and quizzed the teenage counter worker about his pork steaks. She asked him which would be more tender, the one with BBQ sauce, or the plain one. He said plain, like he knew the difference, probably just trying to get rid of a tasteless unseasoned pork steak. Thank the Gummi Mary, Mom chose the BBQ one.
But that’s not all! She also bought two fried chicken breasts. Because, obviously, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is a big protein eater.
Just to make her happy, mind you, I decided on half the BBQ pork steak, and one chicken breast. Oh, and I let her throw in a dollar roll. Which is a potato roll. Which neither is a good name for a hunk of bread. I didn’t even make her warm the dollar potato roll. Nope. I ate it right out of the fridge. That’s where everybody keeps their dollar potato rolls, right?
Before herding The Pony into T-Hoe to harvest syllabi at Open House, I told Mom I was going upstairs to use her bathroom.
“Oh. The drain has been stopped up in that one. I put some of that, whatever you call it, stuff to dissolve a clog in it.”
“The TOILET is stopped up? Thanks for telling me before I climbed two flights of stairs.”
“No. The bathtub.”
“Um. I don’t go to the bathroom in the tub.”
“I know that. I was just telling you. In case you thought I forgot to let the water out of the tub.”
Sometimes, it seems a miracle that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom turned out so near to normal.