Saturday, August 9, 2014

Hopefully, This Does Not Mean That Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Is Double-Ugly

As you are most likely aware, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's mom often gives her a token of affection after their outings or barter-style interactions. Most often, it is five dollars. That seems to be the standard, though the range of affection has been known to fluctuate from a low of five cents to a high of eleven dollars. The generosity of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's mom is quite mercurial, and may alternate between the force of a zephyr, and that of a haboob.

Yesterday, I took Mom for a ride to get a Culver's frozen custard. She paid for the treats, and also gave me two plastic containers that I had previously used to give her some chicken salad and a beer brat/with bun. I think that was a fair trade. My time and gas, Mom's money and dishwashing service.

Today, I drove all the way to Mom's house to give her two pieces of Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites pizza left over from Wednesday (Mom does not concern herself with expiration dates), half an order of sweet & sour chicken from last night, a pint of fried rice, sweet & sour sauce, crispy sweet things marked FREE, and the crispy ends of what were formerly crab rangoons.

Do you know what Mom gave me in return? Two bags of bite-size Twizzlers from The Dollar Tree. Small bags.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is no longer the Five Dollar Daughter. She is the Two-Bag Daughter.

My value continues to erode like the beaches of Malibu.


Sioux said...

But since they were from the Dollar Tree, even small bags cost $1 each.

A two-buck daughter is far better than an eleven-cent daughter, right?

Twizzlers? Yuck, unless they're dipped in chocolate. ;)

Hillbilly Mom said...

The two-bag daughter takes offense at your scorning of her namesake. Two bags of Twizzlers in Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's gullet are better that eleven cents dipped in chocolate headed for Madam's future stomach-pumping.