Thursday, May 7, 2015

Boulevard Of Broken Knees

I walk a lonely hall
So disenchanted that I want to bawl
Kids sure have the gall
I set up the test and I walk alone

I walk for all to see
Down this Boulevard of Broken Knees
Where the testees sleep
And I'm accountable and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

Actually, I don't walk alone. I walk up and down the halls, and get up and down out of my chair 56 times, in the sturdy sensible shoes of many a present-day schoolmarm. Those who are required each year to give a 35-question test online to measure knowledge content of their pupils in their subject area. Yes, 35 questions, in a given time period, on a given day, to ascertain what each pupil has learned over the course of the school year.

Let the record show that for only the second year in history, one of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's pupils has set a-sail to the Land of Nod during this crucial testing window. Uh huh. When Mrs. HM noticed the issue, in no small part due to the motions of Sleepy's fellow testees, she investigated further.

Unlike the very first wink-catcher, this one did not lay his arm at length on the computer shelf, and lay his head upon his shoulder-arm area to use it as an impromptu pillow. No, this one used the two-fist column upon which to rest his chin. With his back to the room, because, after all, this is a computer lab, where the pupils face the wall, and the instructor sees their backs, with nary a way to ogle the eyeballs unless she ratchets out her neck, and reaches her head around like dragon into his face...the snooze went unnoticed.

Tap-tap-tap went Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's pointy pointer-finger upon Sleepy's shoulder. She sensed barely perceptible movement. "It seems that your attention has been on page 22 for quite some time. Is there a problem?"

"No. No problem."

By the time Mrs. HM had walked back to her Observation Throne in the middle of the room, Sleepy raised his hand. He had miraculously finished questions 23-47 in approximately 45 seconds. Uh huh. And 35 of those questions were going to determine the teacher-worthiness of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Nobody knows WHICH 35, because the rest are filler, there as possible future test questions, to be determined by the easiness or hardness demonstrated by the answers of the guinea pigs taking that test.

Yep. "We must tie future teacher evaluations to these test results!" clamor the legislators.


My knees are achin'. My spirit breakin'. It's all over but the cryin'.

No comments: