Sometimes, You Just Want To Whack Somebody In The Head With A Big Fish

Discussion at the Semi-Weekly Meeting of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank grew a bit heated today. And by heated, I mean that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom had to roll her eyes and raise her left eyebrow and look askance at her left-hand lunch mate, the esteemed Tomato-Squirter.

"Get your grades up-to-date! They're due, you know. Due after school. Before tomorrow! So I hope you all have your grades up-to-date!"

Let the minutes of the record of this Semi-Weekly Meeting of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank show that three other lunch mates besides Mrs. Hillbilly Mom looked at Tomato-Squirter with dead eyes, like front-row first-hour juniors focusing on a tri-color diagram of the phospholipid bilayer.

"What do you mean, grades are due?"

"There are eight days of school left. Surely you don't mean to say that we are done. What are we supposed to do for eight days?"

"My test scores aren't back yet. We just took them last week. It will take another week before they're in. I have to count that as 20% of the 4th quarter grade!"

"You were at the meeting last week. He said that we had to give awards for every class. How will your awards be accurate if you don't have your final grades?"

"Ha! I always have to have my awards before final grades. I average first semester and semester right now. That's the cut-off. It's the same for everybody. Just a different point in time to determine awards. Everybody had the same chance."

"Well, it won't be fair if your grades aren't done."

"Oh, let me tell you, my grades are current right up through today. My grades are current every day, because I make sure they're in before I go out the door. So why don't YOU tell US all about keeping grades current!" Because, you see, she is one of the three people who traditionally have not kept their grades current, sometimes as much as five weeks passing without an update, necessitating a butt-chewing of the entire Newmentia faculty at a special meeting, when three people could have been called on the carpet on their own time, not the folks playing by the rules.

"I just don't see how your awards will be accurate."

"There's no way I can wait to give awards after those test scores come in. Besides, I'm giving my regular 4th quarter benchmark test tomorrow! I can't help it we're having the awards assembly a week early this year."

The glazed-eye crowd braved up.

"Wait. We're giving awards? I'm going to give an award to the kid I like best in each class."

"Ha! I sure couldn't do that! Because, you see, I'd have to actually like a kid in each class."

"Oh, they never get to me anyway. We'll run out of time."

"Yeah. We're always last. That one year, the bell rang and kids were going out the door as I handed mine out."

"All I'm saying is, we were supposed to have our grades in and our awards ready."

"Only if you want them printed. That's the deadline. If you want to print them yourself, you can wait until Friday, right before the assembly."

"I'm just trying to tell all of you, your grades are supposed to be current."

Sweet Gummi Mary! I think someone is missing the point. I don't recall any directive about current grades, only that each class needed an award, and to be printed, they needed the list by the end of today.

But then...I've only been teaching 27 years. Why take MY word for it?