Wednesday, November 18, 2015

There She Was Just A-Hobblin’ Down The Hall, Singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Gotta Pee…

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom still don’t get no respect. Not even after all these years. Why, only yesterday, she was almost diagnosed with a case of uromysitisis poisoning. And she does NOT have a pass for public urination!

There she was, hobbling down the hall at a slow clip, her other two speeds being slower and slowest, when from down past the Newmentia office she saw Pinky. Pinky is a member in good standing of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank. She is not, however, known for her tact. In fact, the very name Pinky came from the time she paraded through the Thanksgiving potluck (much like a spokesmodel at a boxing match notifying the fans of the round, only more clothed) holding a pink posterboard sign proclaiming that HER lunch shift at the time also needed to eat. Like we were HOGS AT THE TROUGH! The very nerve of her! Maligning the feeding habits of my cronies! She didn’t seem to be complaining when we were given the 10:53 a.m. mealtime. But when it comes to potlucks, everybody envies us.

So there she was, hoofing it up the hall as Mrs. HM was hoofing it down. When Mrs. HM reached the short space between the pupil girls’ restroom and the door to the teacher workroom, Pinky darted in front of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom like a Black Friday linejumper when the doors open.

A pupil called out something to Pinky, and she proclaimed over her shoulder, “I’m trying to beat Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.” With that, she scooted in right under Mrs. HM’s nose to plop her butt on the throne rightfully reserved for Mrs. HM’s amply derriere!

Now Mrs. HM doesn’t fancy herself a holder of real estate in the faculty women’s restroom. Nor feel entitled to a scheduled time to use that facility. But when she is clearly on her way there, and within three steps, it seems a bit rude to run inside and take care of one’s business while Mrs. HM is left cooling her waterlogged heels during the four-minute passing period. Of course Pinky was not out in time. The bell rang before she emerged. Sweet Gummi Mary! Those of us at that end of the hall who use this dump station regularly have been known to get FOUR people in and out before the tardy bell.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom calls shenanigans! The people down at the other end have a bathroom they use. No need to clog up ours. To usurp Mrs. HM’s throne.

I’ve a good mind to call Pinky out on that potluck stunt. Especially since all she brought was a bag of frozen corn, which she tossed in the freezer and never even served.


Alternate Title: “Pinky And The Drain”


Sioux said...

Do an "Erma Bombeck." Give her some "chocolate" (Ex-Lax) as a little Christmas gift. Then position yourself so you can butt in front of HER when she's slidin' into first and her pants are gonna burst...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Um...Madam? I'm pretty sure that's illegal. Even in Hillmomba.