After our series of universe-conspired events yesterday, The Pony and I decided that we would have take-out for supper. No way was Mrs. Hillbilly Mom exerting herself over a hot stove after traipsing from one end of The Devil's playground to the other, twice, in the heat and humidity.
The Pony had to go to town later that evening anyway, and said that when he started back, he'd call me so I could phone in an order to Pizza Hut. They have a convenient drive-thru window, you know. Please. Don't even suggest that The Pony could both phone in an order, AND pick it up!
I used to do this on Wednesday evenings, when The Pony had scholar bowl practice, and we planned our evening around watching Survivor. Pizza Hut is a little pricey. So I always ask about the specials. You have to ask, because forget those national commercials and the corporate website. Even if you set it to your local Pizza Hut, that doesn't mean they will honor those deals! That's just to bait you so they can switch their prices or conditions. Like charging $12 for the $10 Dinner Box. Or only allowing three toppings when the commercials say any toppings, including specialty pizzas.
So...we usually get the Personal Pan Pizza. I know how many calories are in that. And The Pony gets one with an order of breadsticks. Forget about Farmer H. We usually leave him out. Unless I get a thin crust pizza. He likes that. But he wasn't here, due to his escapades in Europe right now. This time, The Pony wanted more than a Personal Pan. He wanted a medium cheese. Then he could have some for lunch the next day.
Mrs. Hillbilly Mom does not eat medium cheese. She has been cutting back, you know, and stays at a certain caloric intake per day. So I looked at all the specials, to see what might work out for the least money. I remembered that the last time I called, over a month ago, the girl taking the order switched me to the current special of two mediums (with falsely-advertised ANY TOPPINGS) for $6.99 each. She even let me have a Supreme (without pepperoni) for two dollars more. Fair enough. This time, the guy would not hear of it.
"Okay. But I can still get more than one topping as long as I pay for the extra toppings, right?"
"No. That negates the whole deal. And the Supreme pizza will cost $13.99."
The Not-Heaven, you say! That's why we don't get anything except the specials, or a Personal Pan. So I went back and forth with him, and found out that just a medium hand-tossed cheese pizza would cost $11.00. I don't think so. Not for this old gal. So I caved in and ordered the special, for which they only allow ONE topping per pizza. I got a hand-tossed cheese for The Pony, and a thin-crust sausage for me. I should have told them to put sausage on one, and green peppers on the other one, and then switch it to put the peppers on with the sausage! Farmer H gets away with that at Subway. Has them put the cheese (which I don't want) from my sandwich on his instead.
Anyhoo...I sent The Pony a text with the time it would be ready, and the cost, and sat back to await a dinner that I did not have to make. I had looked up nutrition information, and knew how much I could allot myself for the evening meal.
The Pony arrived, and began paper-plating his food. Life is so simple when Farmer H is away.
I opened the box to get my thin and crispy sausage slices.
INSIDE WAS A HAND-TOSSED SAUSAGE PIZZA WITH GARLIC BUTTER FLAVOR CRUST.
Which meant I could have less. And that I had to let it soak out the flavoring on paper towels. I wished I had opted for the Personal Pan, and forked out the extortion money for The Pony's pizza.
Some days, the universe gets you comin' and goin'.