Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Calling A Pony A Pony

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom would not have hesitated to tell The Emperor he had no clothes.

"Don't you think this suit is bitchin', Mrs. Hillbilly Mom?"

"Suit? You mean your BIRTHDAY SUIT? You are stark naked, Emperor! It is NOT becoming! Cover your winky and quit parading down the street, you pervy exhibitionist!"

Uh huh. Mrs. HM does not suffer fools or pervy exhibitionists gladly. And she is not remiss in calling out The Pony for his absentminded professorisms.

Just yesterday, I was trying to wash some dishes while warming up some meat loaf and baking a potato for The Pony. Have you heard there is no dishwasher in the Mansion kitchen? I swear, we might as well live in Bedrock for all the modern conveniences we have. Or Hooterville. Though I AM glad I don't have to take a bath in the water tower used by the Cannonball. I had the hot water, finally, after 5 minutes waiting for it to warm up.

"Pony. Reach up there and give me a squirt so I can get some suds."

Of course I was referring to him opening the cabinet over the microwave and taking down one of the two giant containers of dish soap that he'd grabbed off the shelf for me at The Devil's Playground. I thought we would never get rid of that blue stuff. In fact, I had to pour some into an almost-empty bottle of orange-scented Dawn to avoid wasting it. Now it's kind of brown-blue, but it's almost gone!

The Pony, always eager to help, said, "Here." I turned to look over my shoulder and take the bottle, only to see The Pony's outstretched arm holding

A SMALL COPPER-BOTTOM SAUCEPAN!

"WHAT are you doing? I am going to have a lot of trouble getting suds from that!"

"This isn't what you wanted? This is where you pointed!"

"No. That was sitting on the stove. That's what I use for the water to make my oatmeal every morning. I don't use it to wash dishes with."

"Well...what do you want, then?"

"Think. What would I use to make suds to wash dishes?"

"I don't know!"

"PONY! Open that cabinet over the microwave!"

"Oh...you mean THIS? Which one do you want? The blue? Or the lemon?"

"The blue. It's ALMOST gone! At least it wasn't as bad as the Cherry Blossom."

"Okay. Here."

"Open the top. Squeeze it. That's enough! Now put it back. How could you possibly think I would wash dishes using a saucepan to clean them?"

"I don't know. You never say what you mean!"

"How are you going to live on your own?"

"Well...I won't have to wash dishes for at least a couple more years. I'll eat with my meal ticket."

Sweet Gummi Mary! I hope he can figure out what a meal ticket is.

4 comments:

Sioux said...

And I guess if he drinks in his dorm room--not that he will, since he will not be old enough for a few years--he will swig straight from the bottle/can, because if he used a glass or cup, he wouldn't know how to wash it...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
He would probably pour it directly into the paper bag that was used to hide the liquor bottle. Or into a small copper-bottom saucepan.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have no dishwasher, either! I don't even have a Pony to squirt suds maker in my hot water ...... I am on my own in the washing of dishes.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
I am shocked that you don't have to haul your dishes down by the creek. Or wash them in the POOL! But I guess I should be happy for you to have hot water.