Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Hillmomba Help Center 04/11/17

"Hillmomba Help Center. What is the nature of your emergency?"

"The Gas Station Chicken Store is out of chicken!!!"

"And this is an emergency because...?"

"I can't breathe! There's not enough chicken!"

"Calm down, ma'am. Let's talk this through. You say there IS chicken, but not enough?"

"Yes! There is a little pile of wings, and two breasts, and two thighs. THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!"

"Ma'am? I don't think you'll starve to death. There IS chicken available."

"But I wanted an 8-piece box! I was counting on it! For my lunch, and Farmer H's supper, and my lunch tomorrow, too! I had to go by the credit union, and the bank, getting my boys their monthly expense money, and by the time I got here, it was already 1:50, and now there's NOT ENOUGH CHICKEN!"

"Take a breath. Now. Is there a worker you can talk to?"

"There's that little Asian guy at the register. He's always nice to me. He tells me what numbers the scratch-off tickets are on if I ask him. But he's busy. He's got about five customers in line. I'm over at the chicken counter, and there's NOBODY HERE!"

"Hang on, ma'am. I'm sure the clerk told somebody."

"There's a buzzer under the counter. Like a panic button. They use that. But I don't think he did it. He's really busy."

"I'm sure somebody will help you as soon as they get time. Take deep breaths, ma'am."

"Whew! Okay. Here he comes. He's checking on it for me. Oh. It will be 10 minutes until the next batch of chicken is ready. Here. I'm going to talk to him..."

"No. I don't like wings. I won't substitute wings. Can you give me those four pieces, then? But if the price separately comes up to more than the cost of an 8-piece box, can you give it to me for the 8-piece price? Because I'm only getting four pieces, you know. Which would be part of that box anyway, except I'm missing the other four pieces."

"I can't do that. I'll get in trouble. Let's see..."(turns around to read menu on the wall)..."I can give you a 4-piece dinner. I'll put those pieces in. Because there are no legs. And since you wanted the 8-piece anyway, and we don't have it, I can give you those four pieces in the dinner. Plus you get two sides. And a roll! And it's a dollar cheaper than the 8-piece box."

"Okay. I'll do that. Thank you."

"Hello? Hello? Help Center? Yes. I think I'm going to be okay. I've got enough chicken for my lunch, and for my husband's supper. Plus he gets TWO SIDES and a ROLL! For a dollar cheaper! So it's all right now. Thank you."


Sioux Roslawski said...

Whew! For a minute I thought I'd have to call the authorities so they could settle this matter...

fishducky said...

A chilling chronicle of the chicken challenge!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Nice to know you're looking out for me. Even if the authorities were only a few seconds away from looking for YOU when you took liberties in the gas station chicken store.

So chilling that it might become a Halloween classic if I can say it happened on October 31 and sell the movie rights.