Friday, April 28, 2017

The Short-Temper Cook Is Not Long On Patience

Farmer H has been stepping out on Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Grazing in greener pastures. Developing a risk-taking palate. Feasting on foods that are not served in the Mansion. Until now.

Note To Self: do not ever again ask Farmer H what he wants for supper the next day. Especially after you have been to two different Devil's Playgrounds in three days, and think the food purchases for the week are complete. And after he dances around the subject and remains uncommitted after you give him three choices.

"Well...I have a really good shrimp taco at a place up by work."

AHA! That would explain the odors that linger in the bathroom.

"What do you mean, shrimp taco? I can't make a shrimp taco! I offered you a chicken taco. I have everything we need for them."

"It's not that hard. Just shrimp. On a taco."

"You mean fried shrimp? Or boiled shrimp? How is it cooked."

"It's browned in a pan. Not breaded."

"I never heard of shrimp cooked like that. Or in a taco!"

"Like that shrimp you gave me the other day."

"The frozen kind. That all you have to do is thaw it out with cold water? I guess you'll want the feet cut off."

"Yes. I can't eat the feet. It won't be THAT hard. You just pinch off the feet."

"Do you know how many times I would have to do that? It's way easier to cut them off than pinch them off."

"Okay. Do it however you want."

SIGH. "So what else do you have on these shrimp tacos?"

"Refried beans--"

"With SHRIMP?"

"Yesss. And rice and onions and tomatoes and lettuce--"

"What kind of rice? Like Spanish rice?"

"I guess so."

"What about the onions? Diced onions like I make for our tacos?"

"No. It's more like a shrimp fajita. About a half inch long [let the record show that Farmer H held up his thumb and forefinger about three inches apart] and as thick as a pencil."

"Wait! You don't even like peppers! Fajitas have peppers! I have a frozen bag of fajita vegetables in the freezer."

"I pick out the peppers. I only want onions."

"So...I'll have to go to the store for shrimp, because you ate the last of it two days ago. I have refried beans. I have Spanish rice mix. I have onions. I have lettuce. I'll need tomatoes. What kind of tomatoes do you mean? Like salsa?"

"No. Tomatoes. Like stewed tomatoes. From a can."

"Those are all watery and limp. I can't believe you have those on a taco. Do you mean like diced tomatoes? Like I put in chili?"

"Yeah. That's fine."

So...I went to the store and got the other stuff and tried to brown the shrimp but they didn't. I sweated the onions and they looked pretty good. I picked up something called Mexican Rice instead of Spanish Rice. It was in a packet. Easy enough to make. Of course I had to warm the refried beans in the microwave. Another bowl dirtied. I had to strain the diced tomatoes. Strainer to wash.

Plus, Farmer H picked it up AND CARRIED IT ACROSS TO THE CUTTING BLOCK, leaving a trail of juicy drippings in three double spots. THEN acted all hissy/pissy when I told him he dripped, and to clean it up, and to USE THE SOAPY WATER I already had in the sink to wash up the dishes I used preparing this feast for the last 30 minutes.

Farmer H prepared two large tortillas with layers of this mixture. Then he took them on two plates to his La-Z-Boy while I cleaned up the cookware. He announced that it was almost like the ones he has at that place up by work, but that THEY use the BIG shrimp.

"Okay. I guess I should have gotten the big shrimp and cut off the feet."

"No. This is fine. It means I get more of it."

Let the record show that Farmer H said his shrimp tacos (which looked like big fat burritos to me) were delicious.

That means he will want them again.


Sioux Roslawski said...

HM--I am appalled and amazed.

Appalled that you acted like your house was a restaurant, and he could order WTF he wanted. What do you think you're doing? Other men will hear about this and expect the same treatment.

Amazed that it's the feet that get pinched/cut off. I am not a shrimp person, have never eaten it or prepared it and never plan on eating it or preparing it, but I always thought it was the tail that got cut off/discarded.

Or are the feet in the same vicinity as the tail? Or have I been so wrong for so long?

He would have liked BIG shrimp? I'd like to be 6-foot and weigh 150 pounds but it ain't ever gonna happen, so deal with it...

fishducky said...

That's what you get for making something he liked!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

My apologies for opening this can of shrimp worms!

You are correct that it is the tail of the shrimp we are talking about. But around here we call it the feet. Maybe one of the kids came up with it sometime. I can't remember. The Pony loves fried shrimp. He would probably even eat the fried "feet" of them.

Farmer H was being all passive-aggressive while filling himself full of small footless shrimp. He was pointing out that even though his tacos were good, they did not contain the BIG shrimp like the ones at that place near work. And at the same time saying that with the smaller ones, he actually got MORE shrimp.

Yeah. That'll learn me!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

HeWho is a big fan of tacos, Fortunately for me, he is not allowed shellfish. Gives him gout. Still, it sounds good to me, I don't have gout attacks. Of course this would mean making beef, as well as shrimp and then HeWho would be tempted to try just a bite, which is enough to send his uric acid into overload and then I would have to deal with the moaning and groaning and be all supportive. Yeah, I'll just stick to the beef. It wouldn't be worth it.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Farmer H also gets gout, but he hasn't had it in a while, and won't even adjust his Casey's donut consumption for his the chance of him avoiding shrimp is nil.

I offered Farmer H CHICKEN tacos, because I had everything we need, and it's easy to microwave frozen fajita chicken. But NO. Not good enough for Farmer H. I enjoy a surprise shrimp in an eggroll every now and then, but not in a TACO! It seems to me that such a taco would have different, lighter ingredients to meld with the shrimp, rather than refried beans.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Have you ladies--HM and Kathy--tried fish tacos? You can used breaded (not the best option), baked or pan-fried fish. I know some places use tilapea (spelling?) or cod (perhaps). They're really good, and perhaps would not aggravate and cause a bout of gout.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I have not. I've seen them on TV, but they do not look like something I would like. Farmer H would probably try them. Of course he would want me to remove the fish's FEET first.