Thursday, November 14, 2019

I Figure It Will Boost My Immune System

Last night for supper, I made myself a sandwich. The effort was not a success.

Remember the pulled-pork sandwich on ciabatta bread? That's what I set out to make. But we'd run out of the pulled pork in the plastic tub. So at Country Mart the other day, when I bought my ciabatta bread (use by November 18), I looked in the cooler case for more. I saw that brand in the same round red tub, but it said something about TANGY sauce. Which I'd thought was too spicy for my tastes last time. But there was another container, same brand, that said PULLED PORK and didn't say TANGY. So I bought it.

I knew this sandwich wouldn't take long. I set out my ciabatta roll. Sliced my pickle (oh, how we all love pickles, heh, heh, covering every inch of our sandwich). I opened the rectangular container of pulled pork, and almost dislocated my jaw as my mouth dropped open. It was a shrink-wrapped lump of pressed meat particles. I wish I'd taken a picture, but I was so discombobulated, and thinking on my feet, that I did not.

I decided to go ahead with the sandwich. I cut open the plastic pouch, and squeezed out the end of the lump. Sniffed it. Huh. Smelled like SPAM. The food, not the computer junk. That's okay. I like SPAM. I've never had it with BBQ sauce. Which was apparently not part of this PULLED PORK package. Seriously. The puller was asleep at the forks. Or else a chunker filled in for him that day. I sliced my congealed lumps, and put the slices on my ciabatta roll. I added some mayo instead of BBQ sauce. Piled on the pickles.

As I was wrapping it in plastic wrap to stay fresh in my lair until I decided to eat it, I thought I saw something on the corner of the ciabatta roll. Huh. Was that a dot of MOLD? It was smaller than a pinhead. But it sure looked like MOLD!

No way was I going to trash that sammich! I pinched out a dime-sized particle of the ciabatta roll and threw it away. Then I pretended nothing was wrong.

I'd give that meal a 3/10. Probably won't be having it again. I see ciabatta in the dogs' future. Maybe some PULLED PORK as well. I'm NOT making them each a sandwich.


River said...

Sounds to me like that "pulled pork" might have been pet food in the wrong section of the fridge case. like maybe someone bought it and when they saw the real pulled pork containers, just swapped it over instead of taking it back. Happens all the time in supermarkets. I'd tell you about the eggs, but don't want to give people ideas.
I've pinched out spots of mould on bread and on cheese too. Probably lots of people do. Like back in the old days when grandma sifted the flour, not because the recipe said to, but to get out the weevils before baking the cake or bread.

Hillbilly Mom said...

NOOOO! I don't want to hear supermarket horror stories AFTER I've eaten the pet food! It was in people packaging, though. I'm pretty sure it was people food...

I told Farmer H about my sad sandwich, and the minute I mentioned the mold, he almost jumped out of the La-Z-Boy. "The BREAD? The BREAD is MOLDY?" As you may recall, he has that mold phobia.

"No. NOT the loaf of bread I just bought for your chili toast that you're too lazy to make. The ciabatta rolls."

I'm pretty sure he won't touch that loaf of bread now.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Just like Rebecca DeMornay deserves more than just the muffin stump, those pooches deserve the real deal. A sammich. Not just a bit of pork thrown their way, and then a ciabatta roll. They are sandwich worthy.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm sure they'd decline a good toilet book as well, just like Rebecca DeMornay and her homeless. You can bet that if I DO give the dogs a sandwich, I'm taking credit for it. Good thing I'm not trying to walk into the house with mutton in my coat pocket, wrapped in Grandma Mimma's napkins.