Never a dull moment for Mrs. HM at the Gas Station Chicken Store!
I was paying for my scratchers and magical elixir on Tuesday, when a woman came in with a baby on her hip. Not a BABY baby, but a non-walking little cherub. Lady stood behind me, off my right shoulder, even though another customer was already waiting to pay. There are no 6-foot circles in the Gas Station Chicken Store, and Lady was a close-waiter. Maybe two feet back, at best.
Shoving my 69 cents that was not covered by my scratcher winners under the plexiglass, I heard that Baby COUGH! I'll be danged if I'm gonna survive this VIRUS for two years, only to be taken out by WHOOPING COUGH!
Lady exclaimed, "Oh, my!"
You know what I wanted to say? "Oh, my RUMPUS!"
Stifle your baby! You know it's not going to cough into its elbow! Cover its mouth! Put a bag over its head! One of those mesh spit-bags that cops use when they hog-tie some drunk and shove him into the back seat of the patrol car. Or carry a section of screen door that the dog ripped loose. Or one of those round kitchen thingies for putting over a skillet so the grease doesn't pop.
I'm not saying to plop that baby into a sarCOUGHagus and slide the lid in place! I love babies! I just can't eat a wh-- wait a minute. Are some jokes too dark for Mrs. HM's blog? I'd better cool it. I don't want to be mistaken for one of those elite satanic baby-eating pedophiles who run the world! Heh, heh. Hope you're up on your conspiracy theories!
Anyhoo... I don't appreciate being sprayed with baby spit. If the baby is sick, DON'T TAKE THE BABY OUT! I know she couldn't leave the baby in the car. But what was so important that she had to bring Baby into the Gas Station Chicken Store? She didn't go back to the cooler for milk. She was waiting at the counter. MAYBE to pay for gas. Or maybe she was going to buy scratchers. Or cigarettes. Or those tiny bottles of Fireball whiskey that seem to be a best-seller there.
I am not WHOOPING yet. But if it starts, I'll know who to blame.
6 comments:
If you didn't hear the distinctive "whoop" then the baby doesn't have whooping cough, and if it did it would be too sick and feverish to take out. Interestingly, ADULTS who contract whooping cough do NOT have the distinctive "whoop" when they cough. I'm sure you are fine.
River,
I did not hear the distinctive WHOOP. I've heard it in Toddler Genius, and 15 minutes of breathing the air from a warm shower helped. I'm pretty sure he didn't have actual whooping cough, since he had all his shots (heh, heh, makes him sound like a dog) on schedule.
I did not know that adults lack the WHOOP. Right now as I'm reading your comment, the right side of my throat feels a bit sore as I swallow... Surely I'm not a hypochondriac. No. Of course not.
You know, there is a cure for all this time you have to obsess over your hypochondriac-y fantasies. There is something you can do to ensure you don't have time to let your worry run wild.
I'm sure you know what that cure is, since it's coming from me...
Sioux,
Are you trying to fuel my sickness, Madam? Just think of all the diseases and conditions I might be exposed to while in a classroom! So tempting a suggestion, but I'll have to say "NOT-HEAVEN, NO!"
I am still masking my face to go out in public. I don't trust the people around here and I am not just talking about Covid! There would appear to be a huge part of the local population here marrying their own relatives. The result is not promising in the intelligence department!
Kathy,
Can't mask a baby, but you can NOT TAKE THEM OUT IN PUBLIC when they're sick! It wasn't just a random cough. She knew that infant was not well. If she had to pay for gas, she could have stood back, and said, "I have a sick baby, I just need to lay down my money." There's plexiglass for the cashier, who some days actually wears her mask on her face, and not around her neck. Man Owner always wears his, and Woman Owner is rarely masked.
I join the 90 percent of Hillmomba denizens in going about our business unfettered. I'm not sick, and I don't want to suck in baby goobers over and over while they're stuck to a mask. I can normally avoid babies, and others, because most of them are smart enough to keep their distance. Of course I will wear a mask to get in a casino!
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