The More You Know, The More You Wish You Didn't

Hey, have you all heard, Mrs. HM has a lot of pain in her arthritic knees? Oh, you have? Well, I suppose I might have let it slip here and there...

In December, The Pony picked up some medication for me to use on my knees. Medication of a kind that is now legal for all uses in our state, which does not require a prescription. It's in a little jar, an infused cream that has no fragrance. Instructions said it may take 2-8 hours to work. It may possibly cause perception to be altered, though usually not, but to try if first when not doing things such as operating heavy machinery, heh, heh! The dose did not list a daily limit, but said to apply a dime-sized amount to unbroken skin.

I tried this cream on both knees. As directed. It seemed to alleviate some of the pain, and had no other effects. In the days before and after Christmas dinner and our casino trip, my knees were especially painful, and I used the cream twice a day. It definitely kept me from waking up squirming with pain. That alone was worth the cost of almost $100 for a small pot (heh, heh) of the cream.

BUT THEN...

My knees broke out in a rash! What in the NOT-HEAVEN? The box said this cream was made with hypoallergenic ingredients. It had worked just fine for about a month. I wondered if my rash was due to using it twice a day instead of once. But more likely, it was because every day in the shower, I would scrub my knees with a nubby washcloth. I was used to doing that from when I used Hempvana on my knees. It's like Bengay. It leaves a film on the skin, and the next application doesn't work as well unless you scrub it off. I assumed the magical cream was the same way. But in scrubbing, I no doubt caused minute breaks in my old-lady skin, thus resulting in me applying that cream to broken skin.

Sadly, I had to stop using the cream on my knees. They itched SO BAD that I could hardly stand it, or refrain from scratching. In about two weeks, the rough rash went away. The itching lessened. After a month, my knee skin seemed back to normal. I had quit scrubbing them, and didn't apply anything, not even moisturizing lotion.

For our last casino trip in February, I once again applied some of the magical cream, but only to my right knee, the most painful one. Just once, that morning. It seemed to help with the pain. I was flying around the casino with my cane! The day after, I didn't use the cream. I waited to see if my skin was going to react. It didn't.

BUT THEN... 

A couple weeks later, my LEFT knee started to itch. A couple tiny rashy bumps appeared. It wasn't really even on my knee proper, but on the skin below the knee. A few days after than, the same happened on my right leg.

Let the record show that I had not handled that cream, not applied it, nor anything else to my knee area. I have no idea what is causing this, but apparently it's not directly related to the magical cream. My casino pants and sweatpants have been washed multiple times since I last had that cream on my knees.

In an effort to figure out this itch, I've been going over any changes around the Hillbilly Mansionhold. The only thing I could think of was shampoo. Our pump bottle in the shower was getting low. I had asked Farmer H to FINALLY bring in the bottle of shampoo I traded my prize for at the Christmas Eve festivities at the home of my sister, the ex-mayor's wife.

A few days later, I noticed our shampoo was surprisingly over half full again. I wasn't sure if the color was still reddish, or if it had more of an orange tint. I tried smelling it, but again, my test was inconclusive. Was that apple? Orange? The shampoo from Sis SAID it was coconut, but that was false advertising, as I smelled it right there in her house, and declared that it smelled more fruity, like mango or something tropical. Genius agreed, and said the label mentioned coconut water in the ingredients, but it definitely smelled fruity.

Anyhoo... on Wednesday afternoon, I asked Farmer H about the shampoo, telling him about my itchy legs.

"Where did you get that shampoo you used to fill our shower bottle? Maybe that's it. I use it on my feet sometimes, like liquid soap, but my feet aren't itchy. And now my shoulder is itchy with some bumps. And one side of my chest."

"You got that different soap than usual. I noticed that."

"Yeah, but I'm not getting itchy on the places I use the soap. It's just the kind with aloe in it instead of the hard-core Irish Spring. But the itchy places are where my shampoo could run down as I rinse. Was that my PRIZE shampoo that's been in the car since Christmas Eve?"

"No... it's shampoo I got out of Bargain House, that they'd left there. I found it when I was cleaning things out, getting ready to work on it."

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want leftover shampoo from Bargain House!!! YUCK YUCK YUCK! 

I'm pretty sure Farmer H is trying to kill me...