How Does He THINK The Magic Happens?

Thank the Gummi Mary I have Farmer H here to take care of me 24/7/365, now that he's fully retired. I don't know how I've managed to survive on my own all these many months that I've been rattling around the Mansion, unsupervised.

Yesterday, I made a pot of chili. I think everybody had that idea, what with the recent cool snap due to last for three days. At least everybody who was shopping at Save A Lot after church. You'd think that I, as a non-churchgoer with absolutely nothing on my weekly schedule, could choose a better time to pick up groceries. But I always seem to be there at that time.

A young couple (obviously Millennials) crowded me right out of the chili bean section, discussing what kind of beans they wanted in their chili. Once they moved on, I slunk back to that area, only to be personal-space-violated by a dad (Gen X, I'm thinking) with a young daughter and younger son. He must have been hosting a party, or making enough to last the rest of the month. That guy loaded his cart with chili makings. I think he had 8 cans of chili beans!

Anyhoo...I made the chili, and it was one of those magical times that it was perfect the first time. Only one taste was needed after I added dashes of Worcestershire, steak sauce, Heinz 57, hickory barbecue sauce, ketchup, minced garlic, ground black pepper, Frank's RedHot Wings Sauce to my tomato sauce, chili powder packet, hamburger, onions, chili beans, Cowboy Billy's Baked Beans (a Save A Lot brand), great northern beans, and blackeyed peas. YUM! Only one taste was needed, but I had to sample it about 20 more times. It was PERFECT!

Since it was only 2:00, I put the pot of chili in FRIG II until supper. Farmer H declared that he would warm it up when he was ready, since he was fiddling around with one or another of his projects. When I came in from walking, he had microwaved his chili and made himself some toast. Yes. Toast. Wonder Bread sandwich slices in the toaster, which he used while it was sitting UNDER the cabinets. A faux pas which could have burned the Mansion down, in my Aunt Josephine from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events mind.

Anyhoo...I told Farmer H that I was in the middle of my internetting, and would be back up to warm my chili later. And I was. As I went through the living room, where he was watching one of his Alaska homesteading shows...I asked about the chili. He said it was great. I said I was going to warm mine in a pan. I like it hot, and it seems to me like a pan does the job more thoroughly than a microwave.

As I used the dipper to move chili from the big pot to a saucepan, I noticed that the dipper was clean. And there was no evidence of the big slotted spoon that Farmer H usually uses to keep from getting JUICE in his chili bowl. Yes. Farmer H prefers his chili without juice. Just like his vegetable beef soup. All I saw on the counter was a bowl and a spoon. A regular spoon.

"How did you get your chili out of the pan?"

"With a spoon."

"Just a regular spoon? The slotted one was in the clean sink. And the dipper was in the drawer."

"Just a regular spoon. It was fine."

Can you imagine how long that must have taken, dipping chili out of a pot and into a bowl with a regular eating spoon? At least we know that he got all meat and beans, and none of that pesky juice!

Anyhoo...I turned on the burner and ran a sink of hot water to wash Farmer H's bowl and my pan when it was ready. And to fill my cup that I eat my chili out of with hot water, so it could sit and get warm, and not cool off my chili when I ladled it in. With a dipper, by cracky!

"Do you have the burner on? I smell something. Something hot. Did you turn the burner on?"

"Yes. That's how you warm chili in a pan. On the burner. I told you I was doing that."

"Oh. I thought something was burning. I didn't want it to be a fire."

Well. Who knows WHAT might have happened to me, warming my chili in a pan on the burner, if Farmer H was...oh...I don't know...OUTSIDE...or maybe even GONE TO GOODWILL!

Good thing he was here to alert me that I had the burner on while I was warming my chili.