Good thing I didn't shut down the Mansion like I planned a few months ago. It's kind of time-consuming to write two blog posts a day. But hey! What have I got but time? Besides, whereas it used to be an outlet for work-related tomfoolery, now it's becoming a Farmer-H-bashing venue!
Here's the latest thorn he's jabbed in my side: Farmer H likes Chex Mix.
Oh, you might think that is no big whoop. Small potatoes. Nothing to write home about. Well, let me tell you, it's plenty to write a blog about!
When I make Chex Mix, I put it in those plastic tubs that I get at The Devil's Playground at Christmas time. This last batch included some for The Pony's care package, and we had five tubs left. I told Farmer H right away that I was sure he would eat three of them, and that I'd only get two. In all actuality, I'm pretty sure he will eat four of them, and I'll get one. But I wasn't going to put THAT assumption out there for him to chew on.
Farmer H puts his tub of Chex Mix on the end table beside his La-Z-Boy. In the evenings, he has a Diet Mountain Dew or a Strawberry Water as he watches TV, and he helps himself to some Chex Mix. This is what gets to me.
Farmer H eats Chex Mix like he eats movie popcorn. He scoops a handful, then crushes it to his mouth and chomps on it while grinding it between his lips with his palm. I am horrified when he does that in the movie theater. It's kind of noisy. I don't hear the Chex Mix from my dark basement lair, but I see the result the next day. There are crumbs of Chex on the La-Z-Boy and carpet. And the remote for the TV is so greasy that I can hardly hold onto it.
I guess Farmer H thinks Chex Mix grows on trees. He's not the one who takes a half hour to put it all together, then two hours taking it out of the oven every 15 minutes to stir it. And I've never caught him washing the pans or the empty tubs.
There. I feel better now.
8 comments:
Good to get that off your chest. Can you put the remote in a zip lock baggie with just a tiny hole for the "laser beam" to 'see' the TV?
You two spend so much time together... Can't you share your feelings with Farmer H? I'm sure he'd like to hear how you're feeling, and will listen. And don't you want him to bare his soul to you?
Everyone (well, ALMOST everyone) knows that the rules for eating Chex Mix clearly state "One at a time"!!
River,
That's a really good idea. I could probably add a production line at my proposed handbasket factory for making little universal remote sleeves! In case you're thinking you might get a percentage of the proposed profits for suggesting it...ask Sioux how much she has gotten for all of her bright ideas.
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Sioux,
YES WE DO! I'm afraid my feelings would sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to Farmer H. I do not want him to bare his soul to me. You would be horrified if you knew WHAT he wants to bare to me. So I'll write about it next post!
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fishducky,
That's right. One at a time, right after the other! In a certain order, of course. Pecan. Rice Chex. Pretzel. Corn Chex. Cheerio. If any of those weirdos like BUGLES in their Chex Mix, it should probably come between the pretzel and Corn Chex. Once the pecans run out, any nut will do.
I LOVE bugles!!
fishducky,
Fly your weirdo flag high! At least you know the proper order of consumption. Even though it's like ruining Rice Krispie Treats by adding peanut butter, or ruining deviled eggs by adding paprika.
Now that the "season" has come to an end, HeWho is free to grab candy from our store. I don't mind this, it will go bad if not eaten. What I do mind is that corner he rips from the bag of M&M's and then he tosses it at the trash can. It floats in the air before landing on the floor next to the receptacle and waits for me to pick it up. I would leave it, but it is the trash can is in the store ....
Kathy,
You surely don't think anything on the floor is a man's responsibility!
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