Oh, wait. We weren't really on the subject of food. Not since the day before yesterday. But I was just thinking, because Farmer H and I were discussing what I'm dishing out for supper Sunday evening, about Casey's pizza. Oh, we're not getting it. That's what the conversation was about. How, since Farmer H is going to visit The Veteran during late afternoon, and I don't know what time he'll get home, how he could pick up something for supper.
We'd really like Chinese, but our favorite carry-out isn't open on Sundays. The one we tried last time was not very good. When Hunan chicken or pork is flavorless, you know that's not the take-out for you, because Hunan is supposed to be spicy, by cracky!
Anyhoo... I said too bad the last Casey's pizza we had was SO TERRIBLE that I don't even want it any more. That's goin' some! As my grandpa used to say. Here's the deal. Farmer H went to order it. He got a meat lover's, whatever they call it at Casey's. He knows I don't like pepperoni. Usually, it's not a problem. He has connections at Casey's, according to him. And they put all the pepperoni on one half. On the top, where we can see it.
Something went terribly awry! A different guy made the pizza, I found out later. Because it came up when I was ranting about it being the worst pizza I ever ate from Casey's. Which is still at least palatable, because Casey's has really good pizza. Usually.
Anyhoo... I took my pizza downstairs, and Farmer H ate his in the La-Z-Boy. First bite, I knew something was wrong. It was SPICY! And also, my sausage rolled out. Uh huh. It shouldn't do that. So I figured maybe it was just that one piece with loose sausage, and that it was at the pepperoni border, and a piece was on my side when it was sliced. Another bite of spice made me start looking at what was going on under the cheese.
EVERY SLICE OF MY PIZZA WAS FULL OF PEPPERONI!
Of course Farmer H was going to hear about this! I went to the bottom of the stairs and hollered.
"Why does my pizza have PEPPERONI on it?"
"It doesn't."
"I'm pretty sure I know what pepperoni looks like. It's all over my pizza!"
"No. It's on MY half. You can come look. I told him, 'Put the pepperoni on top of half of it.'"
"THAT'S the problem! They just put half of it on top. You should have said, 'Put all the pepperoni on one side, on top so we can see it.'"
Of course Farmer H declared that he always explains it that way. Which means the other pizza-maker must think in an addled way, like himself.
I picked all the pepperoni off, but I couldn't rescue the sausage. Every bite, it rolled off the slice. That's because the genius who made the pizza had put down the sauce. A layer of ham. The sausage pellets. A layer of pepperoni. And topped it with cheese. So it looked like a cheese pizza, but had sausage pellets sandwiched between two flat meats! There was nothing to hold that sausage in place! Normally, it's on top, with the cheese melted around it.
I don't know how anybody could have messed up a pizza so badly. It was all I could do to eat every bite. Except for the pepperoni.
3 comments:
What is the world coming to? These young people who are making our food and checking us out--where did they grow up?
The other day I went to Family Dollar, looking for safety pins. The cashier had no idea what I was talking about.
Safety pins? Yikes!
I remember the days when we ordered half-and-half, with selected toppings for each half of the pizza. Then the kids got bigger and everyone had his own pizza, so that was that. I rarely eat pizza anymore, the takeaway stores are too far away, by the time a pizza is delivered it's usually cold, because apparently my flat is too hard to find in the dark, even with the porch light on and huge numbers on the side. And (AAAAND!) I've heard stories about the pizza companies "farming out the orders" so you don't know who made it and whether or not they ate some toppings along the way. We saw video of that on TV news. A delivery guy waiting at the door, helping himself to toppings while waiting for the door to be opened. The people had a security camera.
Sioux,
SAFETY PINS? What in the Not-Heaven? Did that cashier not wear CLOTHES? Travel with a personal tailor? How can you not know what a safety pin is? Sadly, these young whippersnappers also seem to have no idea that they will one day be OLD like us!
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River,
I am so sorry that you can't enjoy a hot pizza, even if it is made with the wrong toppings. Heh, heh! That guy eating toppings could have taken my pepperoni off for me.
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