Mrs. HM does not deal well with heat. Part of that problem is the fact that she is too well insulated. But we won't dwell on a condition that she can do something about. We'll jump right to the fact that she is missing the majority of her thyroid, with only a tiny sliver remaining. No, the thyroid did not pack up its meager belongings in a red bandana and tie them to a stick and hit the road one night while Mrs. HM slumbered. Nope. The thyroid was RIPPED FROM HER NECK by a highly qualified surgeon back in '06. Your biology lesson for today is that the thyroid secretes hormones that help regulate body temperature. Sorry, there are no textbooks here. We've gone to online only, hope you have access.
Anyhoo... I just can't take the heat anymore. Gone are the days when I could go out in the early August heat and shovel a dump truck load of dirt in Mom and Dad's front yard, filling in the driveway to plant some grass. No more working up a good sweat on a five mile run. A slow hobble from kitchen door to T-Hoe is almost more than I can take these days. The humidity is so oppressive.
Thursday, I think it was 94 when I walked by the thermometer on the back porch. Farmer H was at the barbershop, soaking up air conditioning and gossip. I didn't know that until later. I thought he'd just run to town for his prescriptions. In fact, I was so optimistic that he'd be home first that I unloaded the soda from the back of T-Hoe, and carried it to the side porch. Knowing that he'd carry it inside. Even though I had pointedly reminded him that it was in the back of T-Hoe for the past week.
It's bad enough that I have to carry in perishable groceries without his help. Bad enough that I have to load that soda in the cart, then unload it in T-Hoe. Soda is heavy! This was two six-packs of 20 oz Diet Mountain Dew bottles. Two six-packs of 20 oz Diet Coke bottles. AND 14 bottles of flavored water (oz unknown) drunken by Farmer H. They were in bags, assorted flavors.
Whew! My face was beet red, and I was melting into a blob of something not as pleasant as chocolate. More like that yellow fat trimmed off a chicken. Good thing Farmer H finally got T-Hoe's air conditioner charged with Freon a few months ago! It didn't take long to cool off. Of course, every stop, I got all beet-faced again.
The Gas Station Chicken Store was OUT OF DIET COKE! The Man Owner had the audacity to admit that it was his fault. He was quite apologetic. He assumed full responsibility, but said he was SHOCKED that he had failed to order my magical elixir. He was SURE that he had. Until the distributor got there, and he saw that he had not.
That meant an extra stop, at Orb K. Where my favorite parking spot was taken by a BRINKS TRUCK. Sweet Gummi Mary! Just because they're full of money, they think they can park ANYWHERE!
It didn't help my mood or state of meltiness that when I arrived home, I saw SilverRedO NOT under the carport. And all those beverages still sitting on the side porch. So I had to carry them in anyway, before I could enjoy my Lesser 44 oz Diet Coke.
More heat on Friday. When I'll be carrying in the groceries alone.
5 comments:
They say ladies don't sweat …. they glisten. Well after mowing this morning my clothes were soaked in glisten! Hard to stay cool in this heat.
Yeah, they're never around or never able to see when you need them...
I went to the doctor this summer, and I now have something in common with Farmer H. Can you guess that it is?
Kathy,
I glistened so much today, I think I heard a sizzle when I stepped out in the sun. Like a slug sprinkled with salt.
***
Sioux,
Yet amazingly, they KNOW when you're on the toilet, or halfway down the basement stairs, or up to your elbows in dishwater, or have just taken a bite of lunch, when they decide to CALL.
If it's his most serious ailment, you'd better not be sneaking Casey's donuts! Or maybe you're sleeping with an elephant trunk that sprays your breath on unsuspecting bedmates. Surely you haven't developed a PopArm! I doubt that you dropped a 5th-wheel trailer hitch and broke your big toe, necessitating surgery and a pin. I'm pretty sure I touched on it somewhere...
I don't do well in the heat either and I do still have my thyroid, but I also have a lot of 'personal insulation', which helps me keep a tad warmer in winter until the frosty days arrive, then I freeze just like anyone else.
I am sorry that you have to be carting all those sodas and flavoured waters, maybe you could have them delivered instead? Then you would only have to carry your 44oz magical elixir.
River,
I could do curbside pickup, and The Devil's minions would gather my groceries and bring them out to T-Hoe. I don't think anybody will deliver all the way out here, and carry them in the Mansion.
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