There's No Honor Among Mansion-Dwellers

Back when both boys still lived at home, Genius was notorious for stealing other people's food. He never wanted anything when we went to the store. Meaning while he laid home in bed until noon, and The Pony and I ventured to The Devil's Playground on Saturday mornings.

You know how it is. You buy food for the household. It's up for grabs. Anybody can help themselves, and when it's gone, you buy more. Hopefully, the person eating the last one will let you know you're out... Then there are the special treats that one person particularly enjoys. It's only polite to ask if you can have one. Generally, permission is granted. Especially from The Pony. He may not care about helping people, but he's remarkably unselfish about sharing food that someone else pays for.

Alas, poor Pony. Many's the time he groggily pawed through the pantry, bleary-eyed, for his favorite breakfast of a Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie, only to come up with an empty box. "GENIUS!" We all knew the thief. In fact, the thief didn't even deny his theft. "I wanted one. So I ate it."

We won't get started on the communal items that were left with crumbs lining the bottom of the bag, or a tiny dab of ice cream that wouldn't fill a spoon. Shame on the last (next-to-last!) eater, declaring, "I didn't eat ALL of it!"

With both boys gone now, it's just me and Farmer H. He pretty much leaves my food alone. Unless it's all prepared and convenient for him. Like when I cut the cheese, heh, heh, and put it in a plastic container in FRIG II. Farmer H would never take out a block of cheddar and slice it for himself. But he'll take two or three portions ready to slap on a cracker. I don't even begrudge this to him. It's the healthiest of any snack he would choose.

Farmer H has his vanilla with chocolate and strawberry swirls individual ice cream cups on the top shelf of FRIG II's freezer door. I don't eat them. I replace them when they're running low. I have my birthday cake flavor individual ice cream cups on the third shelf of FRIG II's freezer door. Farmer H leaves them alone. He's not supposed to have ice cream at all, but an individual cup, along with some protein snack, isn't as bad as the Casey's donuts and Milky Ways he sneaks when he's out of the Mansion.

Let the record show that I also buy Farmer H a bag of individually-wrapped sugar-free Russell Stover chocolates. He has one or two a night, with his ice cream cup. And hopefully some protein. I don't know, because that's during the hours that I'm down in my dark basement lair.

When Farmer H was gone to the auction Friday night, I was searching for a snack to have later in my OPC (Old People Chair) while watching TV. I went to the kitchen table, where I have a giant bag of individual potato chips. I chose the BBQ flavor. Then spotted Farmer H's bag of individual chocolates. I selected a coconut version.

They're not very big. About two bites. There's one propped against my bubba cup, with my lucky scratcher-scratching quarter to show size. I don't make it a habit to eat Farmer H's chocolates. This is only the second one I've had. Ever. But I can't save an individual ice cream cup in the downstairs mini fridge freezer, and I didn't want a Tootsie Roll Fruit Chew Pop. So I nabbed this coconut treat, and laid it on the cutting block with my individual bag of BBQ chips, to carry down with my supper tray, and save for later.

When it came time to move out to my OPC, I grabbed my chips, but didn't see my coconut treat. Sweet Gummi Mary! I must have left it on the cutting block. Oh, well. It wasn't worth walking upstairs for. Farmer H had already come back home, watched TV in the La-Z-Boy, and gone to bed. So it wasn't like I could holler up to him to drop it down the stairs to me.

Saturday evening, as I was preparing supper, I figured I'd take that coconut treat downstairs this time. I looked for it on the cutting block. It wasn't there. Not under the paper towel I re-use all day to dry my hands. Not on the several mail envelopes that I'm going to deal with in a day or two. Huh. I knew that's where I'd put it. I went out to the living room to ask Farmer H.

"Hey! Did you take that coconut candy that I took from you, and forgot on the cutting block last night?"

"Yeah. I was in the kitchen, and I wanted a piece of candy, and I seen that one laying there, so I took it."

I could hardly chastise Farmer H for taking the piece of candy I took from him. But the least he could have done was tell me that he re-claimed his candy. Otherwise, it seems like he's trying to make me think I'm going crazy.