A Sneaking Suspicion

I have a sneaking suspicion that Farmer H, failing to kill me by assorted methods, has acquiesced to declaring me mentally unfit! It didn't dawn on me until a few days after Genius called to chat. I was thrilled, I tell you. It's been a long time since Genius and I connected. Sure, he used to call me on his drive home from work. That was more of a time-killer for him, I think.

This recent call lasted over 90 minutes. We had a great time, with him filling me in on his new apartment and new job. We reminisced about some entertaining incidents from his childhood. He DID reveal that he was lying on his new couch, recovering from a hangover. But I'll take a 90-minute conversation any way I can get it.

A few days later, Farmer H let it slip that "You don't remember anything! Maybe you have Old Timer's. I was telling Genius the other day--"

Aha! He stopped abruptly. Farmer H is not a good secret keeper. I put the pieces of that puzzle together, and assumed that Genius had called to test my mental acuity.

Here's the deal. Farmer H was talking about knowing a lady in Pennsylvania, who had gone to school with him. He said she lived not near Genius's new place, but near where Farmer H's brother was buried. He kept blabbing on, and I said something to the effect that I didn't know his brother was buried there.

"You don't remember ANYTHING, HM!"

Well. Pardon me. I remember enough to have worked a full-time job while keeping the bills paid and your kids alive and food on the table and the laundry (of everybody but you) clean! So if some of those vital duties took the place of random minutia in my brain...so sorry!

Anyhoo...it was at least a dozen years ago when his brother died. I didn't go to the funeral. WAIT! Don't let him know that. I'll be in trouble if I don't know the exact date, and the time down to the minute. My point is that Farmer H has no room to chastise ME for not remembering things. Only last night, I heard him upstairs rattling pot lids at 4:55. I was on my way up the stairs at the time.

"WHAT are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready to warm me some chili."

"WHY? I'm on my way to do that! Why do you think I was asking you last night if you were leaving for the auction at the regular time? I said I'd warm up the chili, and put the rest in those plastic containers. And slice more of the Oberle cheese."

"Oh. Uh. I remember you asking when I was leaving for the auction. But not the other part."

"Uh huh. WHO can't remember things?"

"Well. I can remember. But I tune you out."

"You say that like it will make things better."

Anyhoo...I was going to tell you something else I told Farmer H, that he tuned out, but I can't remember what it was...

Oh! Yes I do! I had the big pan of chili on the front burner, and it wasn't warming as fast as on the back burner. So I told Farmer H, who was going to take his medicine,

"You can come get your cheese ready, and by then, the chili should be warm. I just turned it up."

So after he took his medicine, he came to the kitchen, grabbed a bowl, and elbowed me out of the way at the stove.

"No. Look at me. I said you can come get your CHEESE READY, and THEN the chili. I'm stirring it so the bottom doesn't stick. It's getting hotter."

"Oh. I don't remember that cheese part. I must have tuned you out."

Uh huh. Just as I thought. No wonder he can't remember that FRIG II's ice dispenser is broken, even though I tell him every night.