Friday, October 16, 2020

Making Appointments, Like Taking A Rent-A-Car Reservation For A Horse-Faced Guy With Flaring Nostrils

Here we go again. Since we still have the same restrictions as when I redeemed my savings bonds last month, I made another appointment with my bank. Surely you remember my previous appointment experience . And my last visit there.

Tuesday evening, I tried to schedule my appointment for Wednesday. Nope. My bank's website would only let me in for Thursday's block of appointments. Not a one on the schedule. All blocks open. I chose Thursday at 1:15. Put in my information, though I refused to give a cell phone number.

I got a confirmation email with the time of my appointment. Wednesday morning I got another confirmation email. Wednesday evening I got ANOTHER confirmation email. Okay. I got it! You know when my appointment is. And so do I.

Thursday morning, I asked Farmer H and The Pony for a 10:00 a.m. wake-up call. They were going on a day trip, and I wanted to do a couple other errands before my 1:15 appointment. At 10:25, the landline rang. The number showed my bank. We get annoying calls from them, wanting up offer us special features on our account. I quit answering them long ago. But since I had the appointment, I picked up.

"Is this Mrs. Hillbilly Mom?"

"Yeesss..."

"You have an appointment with us today at 1:15?"

"Yes. I'll be there."

"Um. Well. There's been a double-booking. What is it that you wanted to do today?"

"Just like I put on the appointment form, I want to redeem four savings bonds."

"You can do that at the drive-thru."

"I don't want to do that. I also want to withdraw some cash, and buy four rolls of pennies. Besides, I don't want to hold up your drive-thru line for 30 minutes."

"You would still be taking up the teller's time, even if you were inside. So the line wouldn't be moving any faster. How many bonds did you say?"

"Four."

"Oh, that shouldn't take 30 minutes."

"It did last time."

"And we can send the coins out a couple rolls at a time."

"I don't want to fold up the death certificate to send through the canister."

"We have new drive-thru equipment installed. I think you'll find it to your liking."

"IF I can hear what you're saying, with the big trucks driving by on the highway."

"We're not really supposed to let people come into the bank, if it's something they can do at the drive-thru."

"I did it last month. Did something change?"

"Oh. Um. Let me go check."

I was on hold for 15 minutes. THAT'S 15 MINUTES! When SHE is the one who called ME.

"Are you still there? Sorry for your wait. But we can't let you come inside for this transaction."

"Huh. Imagine that. When I just did it on September 16th. I don't mean to yell at you, I'm sure it's just policy, but I've banked there for 30 years, and it's really annoying that I can't even take care of my assets there except through a tube."

"It's just to keep everybody safe."

"Uh huh. Sure."

"Believe me, there are things WE don't like to do, either."

"So it doesn't even matter what time I show up, because I can't have an appointment, and I have to do it through the drive-thru tube."

"Yes."

"I guess I don't have any choice."

"All right. Do you want me to cancel your appointment?"

"I don't see why I'd need it, since you GAVE ME the appointment, but now you don't want to KEEP my appointment."

I think it's time to kick-start my proposed handbasket factory again. I won't be asking the bank for a loan.

4 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

They're banking on your willingness to bend and shift and change and twist around to suit their whims.

They're not treating you very well. They'll regret it when Farmer H gets rich from his storage unit sales and you guys have buckets and buckets of money to deposit. Then, you can call the shots.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
I see what you did there, Madam! BANKING ON, indeed! Assuming I will CHANGE!

Farmer H was indignant when he heard the news. Or it might have been a toilet issue that he was facing after lunch. He said, "I would have told them to transfer me to the president of the main bank, over in Bill-Paying Town!" But then, Farmer H is a hot-head like that. I'm more of a cool-head, with a sharp tongue and sharp fingers.

The bank will ESPECIALLY rue the day that Farmer H sells off our "retirement nest egg rocks" down behind the Mansion, and keeps the payoff in cash in the three safes in the basement.

River said...

If they aren't letting people in, why have they double-booked your appointment and is the other person getting into the bank?
And how do you hold up the drive through line by being inside the bank? Surely they have a separate teller for that? It can't be just one girl running her little legs off going back and forth al day.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
More on the "people in the bank" tomorrow.

The tellers alternate between the drive-thru and the counter. At least they did when I was allowed INSIDE the bank! They usually had two lanes open, and maybe 3 windows, with one girl working the counter, and the other two switching off depending on the drive-thru traffic. Then there were a couple of other workers at desks, like for opening new accounts, and helping with loans or the safe deposit boxes.

SO... this girl on the phone was saying that my APPOINTMENT would pull a teller away from a drive-thru anyway.