Ketchup Makes The World Go Round

Ketchup. The greatest invention since sliced bread. None of that catsup high-fallutin' talk around Hillmomba. It's ketchup. Plain and simple.

The Pony would drape himself in ketchup if it were socially acceptable. I think he would actually put it ON sliced bread, and eat ketchup sandwiches. I toyed with the idea of getting him a t-shirt that said, "I put ketchup on my ketchup." However, I was afraid he would actually wear it. The surest way to persuade him to try something is to bribe him with, "You can put ketchup on it." Farmer H got him to eat fried shrimp that way. No cocktail sauce for The Pony. It's ketchup all the way. I also tempted him with pot roast. "Hey! That tastes like steak!" He even ate the carrots and potatoes...dipped in ketchup. That's how he eats his steak, too. As if you couldn't guess.

I, too, enjoy the tasty red elixir. Not on everything, of course. But fish sticks demand it. And a good hamburger if real mayonnaise is not available. I would sooner eat it dry than use that blasted Miracle Whip. It's a miracle I don't whip your butt for offering me Miracle Whip.

One of my old teaching buddies was in her first year. Her husband was still in college at Rolla to be an engineer. He LOVED ketchup. But they were on a tight budget. So I gave her a bunch of powdered condiments that Farmer H's company dealt in. There was lemon pepper, meat seasonings, and different spices. And this giant, industrial-sized bag of dusky red powder. Farmer H told me that it was like ketchup if water was added. Nothing could have been less appetizing to me. But my buddy took it home. Free condiments are free condiments, after all. A couple of weeks later, she asked if we had any more. Farmer H hooked her up.

"My husband just LOVES that stuff. He says it's like ketchup. We have a big bowl of it every meal."

Ketchup makes the world go round. Even fake ketchup.