Welcome to Cookin' Somethin' Up with Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.
Today we will try a new treat from an old fruit. No. Farmer H is not involved. I am talking about grapes. Delicious, juicy red grapes from the produce aisle at Save A Lot. No exotic vineyards for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. She's all about using local produce on her cooking show.
This recipe is so simple, even a man could make it. Here is the ingredient list:
* one twig of red grapes, ripped from a larger bunch
* kitchen floor
* one seventeen-year-old boy
Sounds deceptively simple, huh? But let me recommend a sous chef. It will make your life easier.
* chill grapes in refrigerator for one day before ripping off a twig
* drop twig of grapes on kitchen floor so they explode like a hand grenade from the belt of a butterfingered private
* call for sous chef to pick up loose grapes
* place loose grapes and twigged grapes in small Styrofoam bowl
* rinse all grapes under cold kitchen faucet three times, dumping bowl water as needed
* shake all water from grapes, leaving them in the bowl
* carry grapes downstairs to dark basement lair
* consult with intrusive seventeen-year-old about Nerdy Backpack
* die a little bit inside each time you hear a not-quite-silent fart sneak out of seventeen-year-old's buttocks
* reach for a refreshing cold grape
* spit out errant hair
* pluck unidentified crumb from tongue
Enjoy! Fart Marinated, Hair and Detritus Encrusted Red Grapes. Remember, you saw the recipe here first.