Farmer H has been up to his old tricks again. That wily rapscallion needs his very own reality show. No scripting needed.
Last Tuesday, Farmer H had a bit of nose-skin surgery. While I was frittering away my time at open house, he decided to put clean pillowcases on his pillows, in honor of his fresh, though bandaged, sterile wound. I didn't find out until the next day. And that's only because I asked him why he had The Pony's bright yellow SpongeBob pillowcase on his pillow.
"I wanted clean pillowcases, and I found this one in the towel closet. I went to take off my old pillowcases, and I found out my pillows were full of black mold." (DID YOU HEAR THAT? FULL OF BLACK MOLD! LIKE STACHYBOTRYS, PERHAPS!) "I threw them away, and grabbed those two pillows over there by your side of the bed. I guess when I washed my pillows last week, I didn't leave them in the dryer long enough. They felt kind of damp, but I thought they would dry out."
O. M. S. G. M. Or, for those of you unfamiliar with my colloquialisms: Oh My Sweet Gummi Mary! I had been sleeping next to black moldy pillows for a week. A WEEK! A week of BLACK MOLDY PILLOWS shoved up against my own pillows by the man who won't stay on his half.
Who washes pillows? You can buy one from The Devil's Playground for $4.97 everyday. Low prices. Farmer H spent more than that on the electricity used to wash and semi-dry his pillows.
I guess I should not be surprised. This is, after all, a man who wanted to bid on auction meat.