Friday, August 10, 2012

Mrs. HM Prepares For A Royal Screwing

I am on a quest. A quest for pan head screws. One day ago, I was happily ignorant of pan head screws. In fact, the first time I heard their name, I called shenanigans. "Yeah. Right. PAN HEAD screws?" That's because Farmer H was the one to tell me. He is not the most reliable authority on nomenclature. I've caught him in fabrications before, too. Things he thought I was happily ignorant of, in fact. But after consulting my BFF Google, I discovered there really IS a pan head screw. They are used to hold the tops of my classroom desks to the frames.

Pan head screws are fickle.

Over the years, my desks have been through the wringer. Been written-on hard, and put away wet. Some of them have a corner of their flat-top that flaps. Well, not so much flaps, as pulls away from the frame unnaturally when a student's prying fingers strain at it while said student's mouth proclaims, "My desk is loose! I need to move to another desk!"

Not so fast, Doom-Cryer! Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was not born yesterday. She cut her teeth on career cryers-of-doom much savvier than you. We'll just switch out that desk with one back here. No need to adjust my seating chart. But that tactic has grown tiresome. And my stable of bent-top nags is growing. So I saw a reason to take the bulls by the horns. Or the desks by the screws.

Oh, I could put in a work order. Or corner a custodian on my plan time to ask for a quick repair of one or two as they become infirm. But that is not always a productive proposition. I swore to be more proactive this year. If I want something done right, and in a timely manner, I'll do it myself. Last weekend, I scoured The Devil's Playground for my very own assortment of screwdrivers, and a nifty foldable hex key set.

When I took The Pony to pick up his schedule on Thursday, I told him to take a screw out of a sidelined desk so I could see what it looked like. Funny. I had one just like it in the pencil tray in my top desk drawer. So I took one home to ask Farmer H if he had any. "I don't know. Probably. That's a pan head screw." I have visions of a little plastic drawer full of them over in the BARn workshop. And I plan to end their languishing existence forthwith, and make honest screws of them. Put them to work.

Okay, so this proactive business involves a bit of outsourcing. I've contracted the job to the #1 son. I will pay him (per desk) to tighten and/or replace the four screws holding down the top of each desk, and to tighten the freaky hex screws holding the legs on at the proper height. It will be time-intensive, but not difficult.

I'm all about employing the youth of today.


Sioux said...

Work orders? What in the world are those? Oh, you mean those things you fill out--for comic relief--and wait on for months and years while they languish on someone's desk?

Yes, The Pony, The Genius, or Hick--any of them will be quicker and more reliable.


knancy said...

Who is in charge of quality control, stop loss, and disability? Oh, and don't forget meals and breaks. Can't wait to hear about the first one that just collapses! Nothing against your #1Son. I am speaking in general terms as he is a teenager. Their motto: Get it done quickly and go do something I really want to do with money in hand.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Actually, my new cutting-edge gadget was the result of a work order turned in mid-May. We all know how hard it is to find a light and put it in within a scant three-month time period.

Tornado hole? Don't get your head caught in there when the next one sucks you up through the roof. Those firemen are going to get suspicious.

Um. Let's not forget we're talking about a public school. Quality control, stop loss, and disability are just so many new spelling words to us.

#1 has been sweating in the sun, cutting cedars, hauling wood, and burning limbs for the past three days. He will revel in an inside job. Which still doesn't mean he will linger over the details.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Speaking of screws that are loose .... When we moved here I spent my idle winter hours sorting numerous coffee cans of screws, nails, bolts, and all manner of such. I carefully seperated them into "look alike" piles, them put them into various containers culled from my "tupperware" cabinet. If the container was not see-thru, I carefully taped a sample to the side. Then I spent many hours carefully organizing said containers of hardware on shelves ....... ask me if all my effoorts paid off? No, we are back to dumping it all into whatever is handy.

Hillbilly Mom said...

They like a rich cornucopia of metal doodads.