Tuesday, September 11, 2012

The Life Of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Is Exhausting

I know why I am so tired. I am the keeper of every item in the universe. Or at least in the Hillbilly Mansion.

The #1 son just popped into my office to ask if we have a digital thermometer. Of course I grew fearful for his well-being. "Do you have a fever?"

"No. I want to know if our hot water is below 108 degrees."

"I don't think you can use a thermometer for that. They are made for PEOPLE. So I don't think they go much above 106 degrees. You'll blow it out."

"But I only want to go to 108."

"It doesn't work that way. If the water is hotter, the thermometer won't stop at 108. It will break."

"Just tell me if we have one."

"Why don't you ask your dad what he set the hot water for. I'm sure there's a setting. He'll know how hot it gets."

"That defeats my purpose. I need to find out how hot the water is, so I know if I can develop my own film. If it gets hotter than 108, I'll turn on more cold until it's lower."

"But the thermometer can't handle 108."

"Just tell me where it is."

"Like I know! It's on the TV table, or it's in the right or left bathroom drawer."

 What about the one I used in my science fair project on freezing soda? (Four years ago)

"I don't know. What about it?"

"That one would work. It was for cooking. Where is it?"

"I guess it's with all that stuff from that science fair project."

SIGH. "Why are you like this?"

"I am tired of being the keeper of everything. You guys would just lay around burning up with fever, never even looking for a thermometer because that's too much work. To find it where it belongs, and put it back where it belongs. I am NOT the keeper of everything in the world!"

I'm not!


Sioux said...

Yes, you are, because you are a mom. Since sons (and most husbands) can't find their butt with both hands...tag, you're it!

Hillbilly Mom said...

But I don't wanna be IT! I'd rather be a pirate in a puffy shirt on the Tonight Show AND the Today Show.

Sioux said...

Yes, but then you'd have to do everything else the Low Talker told you to do. Imagine how that puppetmaster could pull your strings.