Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Strange Case Of TMI and TLI

You think you know your offspring...

For the first time since he started driving to school, the #1 son popped into my room after the final bell. He needed to kill some time until the baseball game, where he was supposed to take pictures for the yearbook. Within five minutes, the game was cancelled due to a big ol' lightning and wind storm on the radar.

I asked #1 if he would stop by the Dollar Store and pick up some Drano for me on his way home. He takes a faster route. I had another stop to make, and I wanted us both home before that storm made its way to the Mansion. You'd think a kid could pick up some Drano. Or simply say, "I don't feel like running your errands." But no. My kid had a detailed reason to decline.

"I can't buy Drano! I'm not 18 yet."

"Funny how they never card me when I buy Drano."

"They won't sell it to me. You can make meth out of Drano."

Now I've heard it all. I know they watch the watchamacallit in cold and sinus pills. That The Devil moved them behind the pharmacy counter and narcs out anybody who tries to buy too much. But Drano is a new one. The last time I checked, it was still on the shelf by the toilet cleaner. But the bigger question here is how does #1 know the ingredient list for the meth recipe? My only consolation is that a kid who tries to sleep twenty hours a day is not using meth. And has precious little time to run a business. Oh, and he's always begging for money. So he's not yet using his powers for evil.

The Pony also surprised me this afternoon. We hustled out to T-Hoe when the first fat raindrops started to fall. I asked The Pony to show me where there's a penny ensconced in the blacktop of the parking lot. He told me about it two days ago, but in all these years of parking in the same spot, I've never seen it.

"Here it is, Mom."

"I never would have seen that. It might be a dime."

"No. It's a penny. I saw the Temple of Lincoln."

Sweet Gummi Mary! What are they teaching my boys in history class? The Temple of Lincoln, indeed! The Pony can spout out all means of statistics on the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, Greek and Roman history and mythology, Egyptian pharaohs, and Mayan civilization...but he thinks we built a temple for Lincoln?

The village really needs to put forth a more concerted effort in the raising of my children.

4 comments:

knancy said...

I am weaving handbaskets as fast as I can!

Sioux said...

Yes, and on paper money, those triangular-shaped things are Clarkson Eyecare billboards. Didn't you know?

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have never been to the temple of Lincoln ........ perhaps I should build one in one of my open fields and call it a tourist attraction. Your kid just may be on to something!

Hillbilly Mom said...

knancy,
Thank the Gummi Mary! Somebody finally gets it! I will subcontract you to supply my proposed handbasket factory. We may need you to work double shifts. All the gruel you can eat, and a soft pile of straw to catch a catnap.

**************
Sioux,
Can't say as I did. Thanks for the info. Maybe you should look into a career as a teacher.

**************
Kathy,
That could work. Because you might as well give up on the Cadillac Stonehenge. I think that's already been done.