Thursday, September 20, 2012

You're The Reaon We Can't Have Nice Pies

What is with these people who don't sort out their money before stuffing it in a billfold (get it, it's called a billFOLD) or purse or pocket? Don't they know that the biggest denomination should go in the back, then the others in order, with the crispest bills in back and the limpest in front, before folding once, in half? How can people not know that? Sweet Gummi Mary!

In no way, shape, or form is it proper to leave your bills all dog-eared and asymmetric! No no no no no! That will make the king take extra time in the counting house, counting out his money! Which means the queen will have too much time to eat bread and honey. So much, in fact, that she might not fit out the parlor door. And that poor maid will be left hanging clothes for so long in the garden that the blackbirds can snip off not only her nose, but both ears, her bottom lip, and one eye. Which has a tendency to make a maid a bit surly.

So keep it up, money messers. Before long we'll all be coming down with food poisoning from eating blackbird pie made by surly, one-eyed, earless, gaping-mouthed, noseless maids.

Thanks a lot.


Sioux said...

My bills are all stuff--willy-nilly--in my purse in different spots. They're an origami-ist's delight. Each one with unique, quirky fold patterns. Some bills are shoved in pants pockets. I'm the anti-organizer.

And what's this about BIGGER bills? What do you mean by that? All I have are 1's. Are there bills that are worth more than that? (Somebody has been holding out on me, I think.)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

He who is not allowed to make reservations is not allowed in my cash drawer. All the bills must be FACE UP and looking to the left! He just shoves them in willy-nilly, saying he was "too busy" to properly arrange the money. This is not acceptable to she who counts the money. She has actually found tens in the ones! What if he gave away a ten for a one? See what can happen when you do not obey your wife??

knancy said...

Sort of sounds like a trickle down effect I heard about somewhere. It had to do with money, too.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Ack! You're no doubt one of those folks who would grab your bills and wad them up to stuff in a jeans pocket, all crumpledy and asymmetric.

Bigger bills, bigger pockets. You only have ones because you are stunting their growth, like keeping a goldfish in a jelly jar. DO NOT put your money in a jelly jar! It will get sticky.

You know men are only good at spending the money. Not in arranging it in the proper feng shui configuration.

That kind of doesn't work, huh?