Thursday, February 21, 2013

A Meet And Greet Of Sorts

How do you drive a teacher crazy? NOT like this:

* Give her a bag of M & Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

* Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker on a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

* Send her outside in a lightning storm and tell her not to come in until you're done taking her picture.

* Recommend that she go see that new movie at the drive-in: Closed for the Winter.

* Drop her off in a field with a box of Cheerios and tell her to plant the donut seeds.

Okay. Maybe those tactics would work. IF the teacher was blond. Otherwise, all you have to do is give them two brand-spankin'-new, state-of-the-art copiers and tell them not to use those brand-spankin'-new, state-of-the-art copiers for eight days, until after they participate in after-school training. Woe was us.

Thank the Gummi Mary, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom did some sleuthin' and discovered that the OLD copier was cooling its wheels in the librarian's office in the library. So her copies are up-to-date. Even better, with a two-snow-day cushion built in.

AND, put the Gummi Mary on the Christmas card list, because Arch Nemesis offered to take Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's after-school parking lot duty so HM would not miss the mandatory training! Will wonders never cease! Somewhere in her youth or chi-i-illldhooood...Mrs. Hillbilly Mom must have done something good. Or at least watched The Sound of Music every year. Indeed, Archie cooked up a plan to get training for the 7th Hour plan time teachers during 7th Hour, freeing up more space for after-school attendees. Who cares if her only plan was to run copies before everyone else? She even offered to step into my 7th Hour class so I could go then, and still do my duty. I gave Archie the choice. One does not look a gift-nemesis in the mouth.

Paula Deen eating a lobster tail in my front yard! These new Kyoceras will do everything but mix you a Cosmopolitan. And I'm pretty sure they could do that if vodka was allowed in school. They have a touch screen for commands. They will copy both book pages and put them front and back, and wait until you have laid out ALL of that copyrighted material that you want before printing out. These machines probably report back to the Library Police, like that Tropic of Capricorn detective who tangled with Jerry and George. Kyocera v2 will scan your document and email it to anybody in the school address book. You can jab it in the side with a thumb-drive shiv, and it will copy any document you select. Or you can scan one (hopefully not a whole book) and store it on your thumb. I was waitin' for that sleek electronic entity to whistle Dixie and take off for Alabama to obtain a banjo for its knee. It was THAT entertaining.

But I can still wait three more days for our reunion.

2 comments:

Sioux said...

Wow! I was impressed with our copier, that will staple.

Yours sounds deee-luxe.

Enjoy your day off tomorrow. I have one, too. Perhaps you can raise a glass of Diet Coke and I can raise a glass of wine? tea? OJ? and we can toast each other as we're tapping away on our computers?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
It's all over but the toasting! I'm sure you had some of that fancy schmancy something-or-other chai tea. And I had a most exquisite 44 oz. Diet Coke, circa 2013.

It has been so many years since we had anything state-of-the-art that I feel sorry for these new Kyoceras. They are Jetson copiers in a Flintstone world.