Sunday, May 5, 2013

Time Doesn't Pay

We attended The Pony's band concert this afternoon, and guess what? Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has a bee in her bonnet. That's right. I know it comes as quite a surprise. And speaking of what should NOT be a surprise: the disappearance of bees. They're not disappearing. They're right here in Hillmomba, in Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's bonnet.

You know how you go places early to get a good seat, get things all scoped out, settle in...and folks show up five minutes after the starting time, asking you to shuffle over so they can sit on the aisle? Yeah. That didn't happen to the Hillbilly family. Only to the people in front of us, in the bleachers. We, you see, carry chairs from the cafeteria and set them up on the mezzanine, that slick concrete slab area on the other side of the bleacher railings. They're good seats, really. As long as you don't mind watching the festivities from behind brown metal rods somewhat like prison bars.

There's a trick to it. You have to get just close enough so that other usurpers don't walk between you and the railing, and stand there like so many vultures perched and waiting for somebody to close his eyes. I always carry my chair in first, and pick the prime spot, to the left of the stair walkway. I don't have to peer through prison bars. I do, however, get blocked by various and assorted wide butts as they go down the stairs to ask people to shove over so they can sit on the aisle.

Today there was a full house. That meant that a lady who thought she was very special plopped herself right down smack dab on the top step. And sat there. Filming with her cell phone. If Mr. Principal had been there, he would have put a stop to that fire hazard forthwith.

Next to me, on my right, was a woman with two daughters who stood RIGHT NEXT TO ME. In my personal space. I would have been hard-pressed to fit a piece of onionskin paper between us. I don't fault the kids. They don't know any better. That woman should have made them move away from the stair opening and my breathing air.

Then there were the folks behind me who were having a family reunion. I think they were the Louds. And the kids running back and forth like the area was a playground without supervision. And that bawling baby right behind my ear.

Getting there early just doesn't pay the way it used to.


Sioux said...

I think that the early birds should be handed tasers as they walk in. They should have some way to protect their territory and should be rewarded in some little way for getting there extra early.

Perhaps I should suggest it to your school district?

Hillbilly Mom said...

What a SCATHINGLY BRILLIANT IDEA! Those little girlies would have hit the road, Jack, if I sent them a taser message. And imagine the entertainment from random concert band fans pleading, "Don't tase, me, Bro!"

I'm sure my district would get right on that. As soon as they look into the request that was made at Monday's faculty meeting for the technology department to provide a massage recliner for each teacher.