Monday, May 13, 2013

We Are The Sultans Of Spring

WooHoo! The test scores have arrived! After toiling and troubling over a cauldron of simmering student brains all year, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has managed to retain her job. Okay. Maybe that's a bit dramatic. Not the simmering-brains-in-a-cauldron part. The job-depending-on-test-scores part. We have not yet reached that criteria here in Missouri.

I would love to expound upon the cutting-edge methodology I used to learn them kids some science. To take up yoga and make myself more flexible to facilitate the patting of my own back without breaking my arms. was simply a fluke, due to the fact that we tested a different batch of kids this year. Like comparing the barely-conscious apples to the highly-motivated oranges. Sure. It's Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's job to motivate her students. Just like it was for every teacher they had from kindergarten through 12th grade.

Sometimes, the being-powers simply need to understand that not all student minds are created equal. You can turn them every which way but loose, and still not get those sciency smarts poured into their little noggins. It's not their bag, man! They are the ones who will stop to change your tire or rebuild your engine when you're stranded on the side of the road. The ones who will rush into a burning building to carry out a grandma in a wheelchair. The ones who will chase a robber out of a convenience store, armed only with their sense of right and wrong, and a giant Slim Jim. But as for regurgitating facts on a multiple-choice standardized state test, or even staying awake long enough to complete 35 questions...the priority level is low.

Actually, this year was not a fluke. Our scores returned to the level we have maintained year after year. Until last year. Last year was the fluke. We're back on track. Geniuses again, me and my arch nemesis. Kudos to us for our perseverance in the face of adversity.

We rock. And so do our students. No matter which group they're in.


Sioux said...

So, you were feeling like you were in Dire Straits? You were aching for a glimpse of Clint Eastwood and an orangutan?

I wish the powers-that-be would figure out the apples and oranges bit. But no. We keep comparing lemons to bananas. They're both yellow, and they're both fruit, but they are unique in every other way...

Congratulations on being done with the testing and discovering you were victorious. Now you can treat yourself to something nice. Now what would HM consider "fun" or how would HM choose to pamper herself? Inquiring/stalking/curious minds want to know...

Hillbilly Mom said...

I felt like I was making money for nothing. I did not wish to see a an orangutan flip me the bird.

A good treat for me would be a jaunt to a casino, though I prefer to go in the morning hours when the purse-snatchers and car-jackers are still sleeping off their vices from the previous night.