Monday, December 30, 2013

A Public Brownie Service Announcement

Watchdog Hillbilly Mom here, reporting on the latest scam to siphon your hard-earned dollar from your bead-encrusted change-purse.

Take a gander at the newest product to raise my dander:

Yes, it's none other than our old friend, Little Debbie, trying to fool the geometrically-challenged masses. Santa Brownies, indeed. How cute they are! But how profitable for Little Debbie.

I'm no geometry whiz like my best old teaching buddy Mabel. But I figure that each corner cut off Santa is money in Little Debbie's pocket. Take a regular Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie. Cut off each corner. Spray it with icing. Stamp a face into it. Voila! 28.58% less brownie! Here's how I get my figure. I have not done any measurements, but my naked eye says that it would take 10 of those missing corners to make a Santa Brownie. One for each pointy end, and 8 arranged as four squares to fill in the middle. Again, it might take fewer, but I'm giving Little Debbie the benefit of my sloppy math. That means it would take 14 of those triangle corners to make a full rectangular brownie like the Cosmics.

If you take the 4 missing corners, divided by the 14 corners in a full brownie...Santa has 28.57% less edible goodness, at the very minimum. There are 6 brownies in a box. That means 24 missing corners. At the rate of 14 corners per Santa, you are missing the equivalent of 1.71 brownies per box if you buy Santa instead of Cosmic.

Be a smart shopper. Don't get Little Debbied.


Sioux said...

That Debbie chick is some scam artist. I think teachers (the group who buy the most devilish Debbie's wares) should boycott her sugary confections and purchase healthier snacks for student rewards and class parties. I wonder what nutritious snacks would be considered desirable by children...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Here's the problem. I cannot speak for elementary students, but our high school kids are starving by afternoon, due to the healthy food they're served at lunch.

Some of them have to stay until 5:00 for athletic team practice. They raid the vending machine that is supposed to be off limits in the teacher workroom. The guy that runs it must think the faculty is a bunch of fat hogs.

Little Debbies are a vital food group for adolescents. In fact, my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel used to hand them out building-wide on March 14. Or PI DAY, as math teachers call it. The oatmeal pies were well-received. Oh, and I don't think you have to worry too much about Little Debbie. She seems to be shrinking every time I make a purchase. Before you know it, she'll be thimble-sized.

What's your idea of a healthy snack? Peanuts? You possible murderer! Or there's salty processed cheese crackers. Or string cheese that could trigger a bout of lactose intolerance.

You really can't give kids anything these days. Our lunchroom garbage cans are filled with apples, oranges, and bananas each day.

Mabel said...

MT, your estimation skills exceed state standards, impressive as always. Brilliant! Happy New Year My forever Bestest Friend!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Good to know I'm ADVANCED! I knew you would check my work. I hope you did your calculus homework today.

Happy New Year to you too, my FBF. May your new year be filled with Little Debbies.