Saturday, December 21, 2013

Chex Mix Is Not A Diet Food

I went to visit my favorite gambling aunt this morning, to drop off some Chex Mix. She loves that stuff. Now that she's retired, I don't run into her at work. She's always full of the best information, though. She's like the Hedda Hopper/Louella Parsons/Rona Barrett/Army Archerd of Hillmomba. She knows the lineage of the populace better than all the microfilm stored in the Granite Mountain Records Vault.

She's what you might call a cat lady. I think she only has four right now, but hosts two from down the street for lunch and supper every day. Her dog came out on the porch to greet me. Let's just say he's unlikely to perish from starvation during the apocalypse.

"I know. Don't tell me how fat he is."

"Huh. Like I would comment on a dog's weight," I said as I greased myself to fit through her front door. "I was only going to say it looks like Sparky is still enjoying his daily cheeseburger." She used to get him one every day.

"Oh, I don't give him cheeseburgers now. It's his thyroid."

"Yeah. That's what I say."

Sparky looked like a pony keg. Or a pot-bellied pig. I'm not sure of his mix, but he kind of has the fur and face of a gray miniature poodle without the poodle cut. He weighs 61 pounds. Still, at 13 years old, it would be cruel to put him on a treadmill.

I have a feeling he will not get a share of the Chex Mix.

3 comments:

Sioux said...

Yeah, the dog we've been fostering for a year and a half (he's 14 now, so I don't think anyone is going to beat down the door wanting to adopt him)was much lighter when we got him.

I guess it's the pizza crusts and pieces of hot dog and cheese that my husband tosses their way every evening.

Ain't love for our furry friends grand?

knancy said...

When I went to my Father's funeral in Oklahoma, I was greeted by a dog that I was told before I arrived was a mini doxie. Well, excuse me, but Ms. Maleficent just came out and said whose MANATEE is this Mother?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
And to think, the vet once told us our 12-pound orange tabby was a bit too heavy! She ain't seen nothin' yet.

*****
knancy,
Ooh! A manatee would look svelte next to this fluffy pony keg.