Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Lower Than A Dog Is He

Just when I thought I'd never have anything interesting to blog about again...the #1 son came through for me.

You know he has been renting a room from a couple in the vicinity of the casinos. That has nothing to do with the story, other than the fact he is living in the city, and renting from a young couple with a several-months-old baby and a beautiful Husky we'll call Sage. Not his real name. The name has been changed to protect the guilty.

#1 was lamenting about his supper. I told him he had missed meat loaf last night, and that he was missing warmed-up meat loaf tonight. He announced that he was having pizza. Frozen pizza, name brand unknown, not DiGiorno's, the frozen pizza of choice around the Mansion, but a plate-sized, mostly-thin crust pizza with tiny cubes of pepperoni. "Oh," I said. "You must mean Jeno's. It's been around forever. Your grandma used to buy it for my sister, then the future ex-mayor's wife."

"I don't know if that's the brand. But it made me kind of mad the other night. Didn't I tell you about my pizza incident? I had made myself a pizza, and was sitting in front of the big screen on the couch. I had eaten most of my plate-sized pizza, but there was one slice left on my plate. It was sitting on the coffee table by my feet. I was planning to watch a little more big screen, then finish off my pizza. Sage was laying at the foot of the couch."

"OH NO! Tell me you didn't eat Sage!"

"No! He's a beautiful dog. He hangs out with me in the basement. He was just laying there. And then he turned to look at me. Right in the eye. I said, 'Saaaage. Don't you do it.' But he did. He turned his head and grabbed my last slice of pizza in his mouth and ran off! He knew what he was doing. I was so mad!"

"Well, that should tell you your place in the pack. You are below the dog. He obviously saw no problem with stealing your pizza. He has no respect for you. You are lower than a dog."

"Huh."

"Thank goodness you didn't have the baby laying on that plate on the coffee table. Or maybe the baby is also above you in the pack. Probably."

"Well, I'm home from work now. So I'm going to make a pizza. Bye."

"Don't hold it close to your neck."

2 comments:

Sioux said...

Those little cubes of pepperoni...That brings back memories.

One would think that #1 Son would have known the possible consequences of having a delicious-smelling pizza around a meat-eating dog.

I guess there are some lessons better learned outside the classroom...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
To steal from Peter Paul, the Almond Joy/Mounds dude...sometimes you eat like a genius, sometimes you don't.