Sunday, June 1, 2014

Reports Of My Disappearance Might Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Farmer H informed me this morning: "I'm going to buy cat food for your cats." Notice there was no mention of my sweet, sweet Juno, who enjoys a dab of cat food every now and then. I thought it better not to bring up her name. Not to ask for the kind of cat food that she prefers. Instead, I tried a redirect. With unexpected consequences.

"MY cats? I don't even like them. Only one, since my favorite was stolen by the neighbors a couple years ago." That was my mostly-white long-haired calico who LOVED me as much as Juno.

"She's probably in the freezer, next to Timmy's mom."

WHAAAAAAT?

Farmer H and several of the neighbors are suspicious. Not that they'd ever say anything, or go knock on the door.

"Nobody has seen her for a couple of years now. That's kind of strange, don't you think?"

"Well, nobody ever went to visit them anyway. The only time you saw her was when they called a cab to go to town. Timmy still calls the cab. Maybe she doesn't feel like going to town. She doesn't need to. She has Timmy."

"Alls I know is, that woman hasn't been seen in years. No funeral. No nothing."

"You wouldn't have been invited to a funeral. You probably didn't even know their last name. Maybe people thought I was in the freezer during those three days I was in the hospital."

It was a bit disconcerting that Farmer H had absolutely no response to that little nugget.

4 comments:

Sioux said...

Perhaps Farmer H was thinking about using the chipper (my "assistant" of choice) and now you gave him an alternative...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
We have more freezers than wood chippers. Of course, he's gone to the auction tonight...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

A mystery ...... maybe Timmy's last name is Bates?
Farmer H would never put you in the freezer, or would he? No, it would take too long to plot a murder, he has auctions to attend!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
He might put me in a box to sell me, that box being labeled "Auction Meat."