We've Got To Stop Meeting Like This

My head is spinning. I have just returned from a six-hour interlude at the emergency room.

This time it was my mom. She apparently fell this morning, though she denies it. The ER folks say different. Said she had contusions on knees, elbow, and hip. All I know it that when I called her this morning at 8:45, she didn't answer. I gave her five minutes. Tried again. And again. Finally, she answered. She said she was getting her medicine, even though she should have taken it at 8:00. She seemed a bit confused. I said, "So you're sitting in your recliner now?" And she said, "No. I'm on the floor. I just got my medicine. My legs wouldn't work this morning."

Well. That's a fine how-do-you do. She sounded great last night at 8:40 when I called her, after spending most of the day with her. I ran to the shower and told Farmer H, who got out and dashed to her house. It takes us 30 minutes, you know. I called my sister the ex-mayor's wife, because she is about 5 minutes away. She didn't answer call or text, being in the shower before church. I got ready as fast as I could, and headed to Mom's. By then Sis, the ex-mayor, and Farmer H had Mom sitting in her chair, and had convinced her that she needed to go to the doctor.

Let me save you five hours and fifty-five minutes. Mom was finally admitted to the hospital. BY THE VERY SAME DOCTOR WHO SAW THE #1 SON TWO SUNDAYS AGO. We were afraid they were going to send her home. She was NOT happy. But at least she knew what was going on after a speedy bag of IV fluids. Don't know where we go from here. Once they release her, she can't stay by herself.

Anyhoo...once Mom was settled in her room at 4:00, we headed home. Farmer H said he was going to pick up food, because the meat loaf that I had planned was not gonna happen. We were famished, having had only our morning medicine-taking snack to tide us over.

Imagine my surprise when I drove up the driveway and saw Farmer H's car already parked beside the garage. He was backing The Pony's truck across the driveway. Which to me screamed, "NO FOOD!"

Yes, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom could probably survive the entire 39 days of Survivor without consuming one single calorie. But she was expecting to eat and take her meds. Not watch her husband play auto roundup.

Seems that our favorite Chinese restaurant does not open until 5:00. So instead of getting something else, he came home first to put his $1000 Caravan in the garage in case of freezing rain. Yep. The $1000 Caravan that has the duct-taped window and no speedometer, but sports studded snow tires year round. Which I kind of think are worse on ice than regular tires, what with reduced surface area in contact with the pavement. But what do I know? I'm only a physics teacher.

The Hillbilly family needs run of luck in the health department to rival that of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's scratch-off lottery ticket history.

Or at least for people to fall ill on a weekday.