Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Nearly Newly-Eyeless Attempts To Cheer Up The Murder Survivor

Talk at the Semi Weekly Meeting of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank grew animated today. We covered topics such as BF or GF complaining to the athletic staff about their significant other’s playing time. Which is not allowed per policy. The crowing jewel of that conversation being the repartee of “I am 20-something years old!” and the reply, “I don’t know what to tell you, bud. Maybe you can adopt her.” Speaking of jewels…

I almost had an eye gouged out by Jewels! You'd think one would be safe from eye-gouging, at least at the Semi Weekly Meeting of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank. The seating arrangement around our hexagonal feeding trough was upset because The One Who Does No Duty decided to show up and do duty. Which meant an extra body at the table, and the shiftage of other Think Tankers. Which put me right next to Jewels, without a buffer chair between us. Sweet Gummi Mary! If you tied that woman’s hands behind her back, she would be rendered mute. Which would be a shame, because then we would never have learned that a former BF had ended up incarcerated for attempted murder.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, of course, is an optimist. “At least he only ATTEMPTED it!”

A fellow Special optimist said, “Yeah. I don’t know what you’re complaining about…YOU’RE still alive!”

I must admit, after further thought during my plan time, I pondered whether ‘tis better to only attempt murder and be classified as one who never follows through…or to make sure you are one who accomplishes what he puts his mind to.

Not that I wish to see Jewels harmed, of course. But if something happens, I would rather SEE it than only be able to hear it.


Sioux said...

"Attempted" means they're not proficient or advanced--only below basic.

Basic would mean they were able to successfully complete the murder. The victim is indeed dead, but the act was done without any flair or creativity.

Proficient or advanced? The murder was done using unique weapons or a clever plan.

Shame, shame, shame. Apparently one criminal was left behind.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I steer clear of the hand talkers .... although I have been accused of the same. The accusation came from He Who, so can't really be considered as evidence.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I think you've been in the classroom too long. You might want to look into early retirement. Or administration.

If he's anything like Farmer H, HeWho wouldn't know a hand-talker from a deliberate head-slapper/eye-gouger.