Friday, February 5, 2016

A Ridge Runs Through It

The other day on the way to town I saw one of our denizens on his tractor, blading the gravel from the edges back onto the road proper.

"Oh, good," I thought. "It's nice of him to take this time while the ground has thawed, and use his own time and his own gas and shuffle the roadstuffs back onto the road."

That lasted for a day. The next evening, I was forced to navigate a mid-ocean ridge. You know what that is, right? Deep under the sea, where the tectonic plates are diverging, and magma bubbles through the ocean bottom (heh, heh, I said bottom) and makes a ridge of new rock. Uh huh. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom had to navigate a long hump of new rock, smack dab in the middle of her mile of gravel road, except that she wasn't deep under the sea.

The ground was no longer thawed, and this long snaky hump of rock takes up the middle of that mile-long gravel road Mrs. HM has to drive from the blacktop by EmBee to get to her Mansion. You can't really drive on your own side of the road, because that hump is in the middle. So you have to have two tires up on the hump, or two tires off the edge where there is no more road. You can't drive straddling the hump, because when you meet a car coming the other way, also straddling the hump, you both have to thump over that hump in a hurry to get to your own side.

People helping out make life so much more difficult.


Sioux said...

Lump it. You're complaining about a hump, when there's lots of chumps who will have to continue working (somewhere) even after they retire. What's a little extra bump as you travel from home to town? Don't dump all your grousing onto us in one big lump. Keep up the whining, reach out for sympathy, and you'll pull back a bloody stump. (And don't think I'm jumping on your post with an overabundance of anger and being too much of a grump. Get off your rump and use that poorly dumped gravel in your favor. Create some clever signs about that above-the-ocean oceanic ridge. It's close to your estate. Make that ridge part of the tour.)

Hillbilly Mom said...

On the contrary...LIKE IT!

Do you hear that "clump, clump" sound? It's just my plump feet in their bright red Crocs coming to give you a sound thumping. If you can't hear it, I'll pump up the volume so you can shiver in fear as you slump behind the wheel of your undusty car, spoiled by paved roads bereft of center ridges.

You realize, of course, that this will increase the price of your next tour...