Wednesday, February 17, 2016

A Trusty Comrade Has Fallen

Over the 28-year span of her career, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has accumulated many tools of her trade. Her tools are often found in the same pristine condition as when she purchased them, due to the OCD tenacity with which she protects them Mrs. HM’s selfishness the care she takes in only allowing certain people access to them.

It is well known throughout the campus of Newmentia that Mrs. HM has the best pencil sharpener in the building. No, she did not purchase this item herself. But it IS the original one installed upon the move into the building in 1999. Yep. No partying like it’s 1999 for that pencil sharpener. The pupils use it at will. But no shenanigans are tolerated. No putting crayons in there. Or those wacky rectangular carpenter’s pencils. No leaning on the handle. Get a walker if you’re weak! No eyeliner pencils. This is not a beauty academy! Yes, the pencil sharpener has required assistance from the custodial staff. To move it from the aluminum strip holding up the whiteboard, three inches to the right to attach it to the concrete block wall. But other than that, it’s pristine. People come from miles away just to dip their pencil into the wondrous compound machine that is Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s pencil sharpener. Or at least the ACT testees (heh, heh, I said testees) come from down at the end of the hall to sharpen their pencils before testing.

With such a grand reputation for taking care of her stuff, well-earned if I do say so myself…it should come as no surprise that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was quite upset when she saw THIS:
See it there? The wound on my trusty companion? A chip off the old base. How in tarnation did that happen? I have not dropped my Swingline. Nobody I know has dropped my Swingline. It is not left out for pupil interaction. I staple their papers back together after testing. If they need to use it for their math papers, they come and ask. Then I remove it from my middle right drawer and staple for them. No letting pupils touch my Swingline. Germs are transferred that way! When Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has her health, she has everything.

This mystery must be investigated. I plan to ask The Pony after school.

At least the injury is only skin-deep. Superficial. Like a skinned knee. It will not affect performance.


Sioux said...

Perhaps you should dust it for fingerprints.

The culprit MUST be punished.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I can't believe the damage! I've only had this Swingline since 1999. I'm surprised it doesn't still have the new stapler smell. The perpetrator probably wiped off the prints. It was sitting in my middle right drawer, in the place I keep it, but turned around the other way.