So...a few days ago I picked up the mail. I guess I need to get used to doing this for myself, since The Pony is not long for the Mansion. Lucky for me, the mail was actually inside EmBee, not missing in action because the part-time substitute rural driver from the dead-mouse-smelling post office decided to put it in someone else's box, or go home early without delivering to our end of the woods.
Oh! What was that? Something about my retirement. From the Missouri public school retirement system. There it was. Right on the return address. I drove my few pieces of mail home and carried them into the Mansion. Huh. I'll just open this one right here in the kitchen. To see what they say about my retirement. I should be getting my first payment at the end of this month. By direct deposit, of course. So I knew there was not a check in that envelope. But just the other day I got some general official information.
I tore that envelope open, only to find...
What's up with THAT, Missouri Retired Teachers Association & Public School Personnel? How DARE you impersonate the REAL retirement entity, PSRS!
Uh huh. I did NOT receive any confidential information concerning the status of my retirement benefits. Nope.
I GOT JUNK MAIL FOR AN EAR TRUMPET!
See it there? On the front of that junky brochure? It's a freakin' EAR TRUMPET! Come on, Missouri! You can do better than this! Don't hitch your mailing list star to an organization with an outdated logo! Sweet Gummi Mary! A freakin' EAR TRUMPET!
Do they think we are so lax in our classroom management skills that we all go deaf the minute we retire? Before we've even drawn our first benefits electronic check? I could see, you know, if maybe we retired from a lifetime of flag-signaling jets on the deck of an aircraft carrier. Or worked as a pit crew for NASCAR drivers. Or toured with a heavy metal band, or jack-hammered out concrete slabs for a construction crew.
AND we, as teachers, tend to retire while fairly young, compared to many other professions. So why are you selling our information to EAR TRUMPET people?
I swear. It's as bad as the Missouri Department of Revenue, specifically the automobile licensing division commonly called the DMV in most states, selling their mailing list to car insurance entities.
Don't be sending me hearing aid offers through the auspices of a retired teachers' association!
DO YOU HEAR ME?