Saturday, July 23, 2016

One Beverage, Two Photos

Let the record show that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom did NOT consume TWO of her magical elixirs during The Time of Cutting Back. No. There are two pictures of the same soda.

This picture, taken by The Pony, as was the next one, shows a background of the fake electric fireplace Farmer H rushed out and bought two of after Icepocalypse '06. Uh huh. AFTER the Icepocalypse of '06. When Lowe's had the prices jacked up. Because, you see, you can close off a room and run an electric fireplace off a generator if you cut all your other amps, and still maybe get a computer and a TV to run. Farmer H had me with computer and TV. Not that he asked me before he plopped down the cold, hard debit card for both, of course. Back when shoe inserts from The Good Feet Store were still just a sparkle in his eye.

Also in this top photo, you can see the fake dog Farmer H picked up at some auction or flea market. Saying it was for me. Me. Who has never had a dog like that. It's not like he took poor sweet Sorrow from The Hotel New Hampshire and had him stuffed. It's a resin dog.

This second photo does not distort the cup so much. It also showcases that fireplace, and the bulbous end of one of Farmer H's camouflage Crocs, which sit there waiting for him to slip his (ugh) stubby feet into them, and batten down the heel strap. If you look at the end of the table, you can find a glimpse of a giant roll of bubble wrap that we save to pack items for the #1 son's care packages, or items he needs us to return.

But the idiosyncrasies of Mrs. HM's housekeeping are not the issue here. Her (brief) withdrawal from her magical elixir is the topic.

The week before last, Mrs. HM had a taper-down moment. She was, after all, preparing for a writing conference. No need to be all hopped-up on caffeine for her pitch session. No need to have her kidneys accustomed to a rapid excretion rate. So she cut back. THE HORROR!

Yes, Tuesday of the pre-conference Saturday, Mrs. HM took her last sip of 44 oz Diet Coke. Which is not to say was her final taste of that tasty no-calorie, no-nutrient, artificially-colored water. Nope. She cut back. She didn't go cold turkey. No need to give herself a headache on conference day.

Wednesday, Day One. The first day of the rest of her taper meant a 32 oz cup with two knuckles of ice. Let the record show that her regular imbibtion rate is 44 oz with a few clinks of ice. Maybe six little cubes out of that soda fountain. Just enough to sound like she's getting ice in her drink. So the first day meant about 30 oz instead of 43 oz.

Thursday, Day Two. The second day was a 32 oz cup half full of ice! Half full of ice! So only about 16 oz of Diet Coke that day.

Friday, Day Three. NO FOUNTAIN SODA! But a can of regular Coke. That's only 12 oz. Just enough to prevent a headache.

Saturday, Conference Day. NO COKE OF ANY KIND!!! But I DID have a Diet Pepsi in a can that The Pony found over by the fruit table at the conference. Actually, blog buddy Sioux found it, and tipped off The Pony, and was overheard by Mrs. HM. Sweet Gummi Mary! You didn't think The Pony would find anything anywhere near a fruit table, did you?

Sunday, Day After Conference. Back to the ol' 44 oz Diet Coke! That monkey was welcome to resaddle and ride Mrs. HM to the NASCAR bathroom all afternoon.

I love the kick of 44 oz Diet Coke in the afternoon.


Sioux said...

Napalm's also good...

I guess your plan worked, since you got an agent to nibble at, and then swallow your hook. Congratulations again. That is something to be quite proud of.

How IS that proposal coming? (Nudge. Nudge.)

fishducky said...

You probably think I'm weird--& perhaps I am--but I prefer Diet Pepsi, caffeine free. I am obviously not the connoisseur of fine sodas that you are!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

WHAT? Are you going to plagiarize from me when I get my movie made about loving the kick of a 44 oz Diet Coke in the afternoon? Get ready for an apocalypse then!

My proposal is coming. I am giving myself 3 months to perfect it. I think that's a reasonable window for getting everything in order, and still immediate enough to the request. The end of October. That should do it. I trust you received the emailed GOLD of the lost business card...

DON'T BE THAT DIET PEPSI WEIRDO attracted to my Diet Coke magnet! Perhaps you need an intervention. A cleansing of your taste buds. Reprogramming. Beware if you walk into a room with a bunch of friends and family gathered, holding notes in their hands...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I prefer Dr. Pepper 10. When I have a hankering for soda. I love iced tea. Home made, that is. In the cup from my hospital stay with the big straw.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I used to have a few of those hospital cups, but I discovered that when you drop them while full of water, they crack! The plastic straws were nice, though. Now I just have generic bubba cups ordered from Amazon.

I wouldn't know tea if it kicked me in the shins, stomped my instep, and gave me an uppercut. Not a tea drinker. Nor coffee.