I'm A Giver, I'll Deliver, Just Don't Make Me Bitter...Learn To Listen Or I'm Done

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in my LIGHTED basement lair one evening, minding my own business, pecking away at New Delly's keyboard like a dad-blasted guinea (one of two in Farmer H's menagerie) in a frenzy to eat the feed before the chickens...when the phone rang. We still have a landline, you know. This is Hillmomba, by cracky! We're lucky we don't have that crank phone on top of an electric pole like Oliver Wendell Douglas and his wife Lisa, so that we have to slide open the closet door that will fall to the floor, and step outside and climb every time it rings.

I have a Panasonic (circa the #1 son's middle school years) on my desk. It is part of a set of four, three of which still work. Its screen showed that the call was from the University of Oklahoma. I figured it was probably a nuisance call, but you can't be too sure. Which of YOU would let it ring, and listen to the message, if YOU had a son like The Pony attending the University of Oklahoma?

Of course I answered, and a little gal said she was calling on behalf of the University of Oklahoma to ensure that they could continue special programs that benefit my student.

"First of all, I would like to update your contact information. We don't have an email address for you on file."

"That's funny. I get emails from OU all the time. I just got one yesterday."

"Oh. Uh. Can you give that to me?"

"No. I would rather you contact me by mail."

"Well, we're having a pledge drive tonight--"

"Send me something in the mail, and I'll look at it."

"Has your student mentioned the student union? The Union Board offers many activities--"

"Yes. My son has enjoyed some of the Union Board activities."

"Oh, great! Can I put you down for a donation? Most people are giving $500."

"No. Not tonight. Send it to me in the mail."

"Mail. Sure. Okay. You know, OU offers tutoring sessions free of charge--"

"My son is a National Merit Scholar. He HAS mentioned the tutoring program, but I don't think he has used it."

"Oh, National Merit. You must be so proud! I know that's a big deal here--"

"Yes. We are proud that he was recruited by OU. He loves it there."

"So can I put you down for a $350 donation?"

"No. Not tonight. Send me something in the mail."

"What is your student studying?"

"Chemical engineering."

"Oh, we have a great engineering department! Does a $100 donation sound like something I could put you down for?"

"No. Not tonight. Send me something in the mail."

"Have you heard about our College Abroad program? You student--"

"Yes. My son is considering that program next summer."

"Great! How about I put you down for a $50 donation?"

"No. Not tonight. Send me something in the mail. I'll look at it then. Goodbye."

You see, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom does not begrudge a college using, perhaps, volunteers from sororities or fraternities, or students who need to complete public service for some infraction, as solicitors of donations. She doesn't even mind them reading from a script. And she is not against donating, because it would not break her Diet Coke/Scratch-Off Ticket Bank to kick a little cash their way, although she is more likely to do so after graduation. However...

Please teach these young whippersnappers to actually LISTEN to the response, and vary from the script as need be. Otherwise, they run the risk of alienating the deep pockets of future benefactors.

I feel like OU is grooming the next generation of car salesmen.