Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Scenes From The Cash Struggle In Hillmomba

The #1 son sent me a text last night. I'm sure my best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel will appreciate this exchange, since she enjoyed endured the #1 experience for four years.

"How open would you be to me flying to San Francisco and Portland over winter break?"

I resisted the urge to tell him that boy, would his arms be tired.

"I'll have to talk to Dad, mainly due to who's paying, and his upcoming 40% retirement, and the recent demise of your laptop. I suppose it could be your Christmas present."

"I'd be leaving right after the holidays, with a housemate and some other friends, who are going out there for a week. They've got super cheap flights, and are mostly staying with family and friends, so cheaper yet."

"What would you be doing? Besides being hipsters, of course."

"Most of them are seeing family, I think. I would probably hit up some friends from Solar Car out there."

"Would you rent a car, or how would you get around?"

"We're Millennials. We'd Uber, and take the train from SF to Portland."

"Don't some Uber drivers kill people? Or is that just a conspiracy theory?"

"Conspiracy theory. Have Ubered many a time."

"Yikes! The mom is the last to know! Is this going to be some LSD quest? Or MOLLY?"

"Psshhh, if I were gonna do molly it would've been at the dance festival we last went to! Molly is a dance drug, dontcha know. And of course I've Ubered! What did you expect me to do, drive drunk in KC?"

"It worked for my generation! And I don't mean MOLLY! Which I did NOT know was a dance drug, because I haven't danced since disco."

"Drunk driving? Such a bad influence!"

"I didn't say I was proud. I couldn't have been going more than 20 mph."

"My buddy says 'oh sh!t' lol"

"Because I did it, or because a narcoleptic turtle could have passed me?"

"Yes? I guess? lol"

"You'd better get to watching some Shameless on those DVDs I gave you last Christmas. Your buddy likes that show, and you're only on season two."

"I have been watching it! We'll probably watch one when we get home from the bar tonight."


"No! I'm not you! We arranged a DD!"

"We'd never heard of such a thing back in my day! Until those busybody mothers went all against us!"

"You're really building your reputation tonight, aren't you? You're lucky I have no moral ground to stand on, what with the drink in front of me."

"My rep is stellar, and you know it! Though I DID shoot Jack with the BB gun to discourage him from chasing a chicken. It's like the wild west around here. Give me a shot of whiskey and the reins to the stagecoach and a Winchester...and I'll clean this place up!"

"Okay, Donald."

"That was not very nice."

"Who is Pa voting for?"

"I don't know. Hopefully, not Ross Perot again."

"Ugh. The dive bars in this town are terrible. Why couldn't you send me to a school in a real town?"

"Because I wanted to FEED your brain, not destroy it."

Can you believe that was the end of our discourse?


Sioux said...

HM--Maybe YOU could become an Uber driver... using the Gator.

Hillbilly Mom said...

But what about T-HOE? What are you, some kind of anti-oil-less-ite?