Friday, December 16, 2016

44 Oz Diet Coke People Problems

Two days ago, I had the most delicious 44 oz Diet Coke EVER from Orb K. It was JUST RIGHT. Really crisp. Really cold. The perfect mix of that syrup and carbonation. I had too much running around to do yesterday, which took me in a different direction. I was in too much of a hurry to get my Devil's Playground bounty home and inside the Mansion to backtrack for a delectable elixir. Don't you worry about Mrs. Hillbilly Mom going Diet Cokeless, though. I got it somewhere else.

For two days I have been thinking about that 44 oz Diet Coke. I had to go to the DMV today, and the main post office hub, and the bank, and a couple stores for Christmas items. AND I wanted to pick up a Hardee's Chicken Bowl for my lunch. But I knew I would be in Orb K's vicinity. I kept telling myself...

"Only two more stops, and I'll have my 44 oz Diet Coke. It's going to be SO good! I hope they didn't run out of syrup! Or carbonation! Oh, what if it's changed? Surely it hasn't. It's only been a day in between. It's not the weekend. OKAY! Last stop. My beverage awaits!"

I grabbed a scratch-off winner to cash in for more tickets, and my dollar to pay for my 44 oz Diet Coke. My knees were stiff from riding around in T-Hoe, so it took me a minute to get to the door. A man held it open for me. Some people (non-weirdos) are so polite!

I started straight to the back wall for my mega-drink.

REEEEE!!!

There was a man on a ladder right in front of the double soda fountain! A ladder leaning against the soda fountain wall, in fact. Holding a big sign with one-and-a-half hands, the half of which was gripping a drill. The sign was a big banner of blue and white, with a cup filled with sparkling soda, and the words: POLAR POP.

I was calculating in my head as I walked. Like when there's an oncoming car, and you instantly ascertain where you're going to pass it on that narrow bridge. Uh huh. I could get to the cup right there. And the Diet Coke spigot wasn't even under the ladder. But he had screws and tools laying on the counter in front of it. That wouldn't be in my way. I could set it on the very end to push my lid on...

"Ma'am. You can't get soda today."

The NOT-HEAVEN you say! I was perfectly capable! Who was this little clerk to be tellin' me THAT? He wasn't even on a ladder!

Heh, heh! Do you see THE IRONY? Hanging a big sign advertising POLAR POP, which was making NO SODA AVAILABLE!!! Sweet Gummi Mary! You don't have to hit me over the head with that one!

Dang. All those stops, looking forward to this moment, and my magical elixir was denied! I had no choice, really. I still cashed in my ticket (and only had a $5 winner!), then drove back under the overpass to the gas station chicken store. Their Diet Coke today was the best there ever was.

Too bad it fell into misfortune on the way home...

4 comments:

fishducky said...

What kind of misfortune? Did you spill that life giving elixir?

Sioux said...

I love it when the soda is heavy on the syrup and light on the carbonation... but that doesn't happen very often.

I'm sorry you didn't get another cup of perfect soda. Trying to stay a few steps ahead of Farmer H must leave you exhausted... with little time for guilty pleasures...

Sioux said...

Polar Pop... Is that an icee or what?

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
Due my travels, and this late response, but my next-day elaboratory post...you now know that misfortune was that MY POP LOST ITS POP! By the time I waited and waited for access to my road, the fizz was but a memory.

Sioux,
I was SO READY for that very special elixir! I don't even know if you could call the stuff that makes up Diet Coke "syrup." OR what combination makes it so delightful. I just know what I like.

Farmer H is more time-consuming than that The Bad Seed girl as a toddler. I do not feel guilty when I am able to make time for my pleasures. I feel like I earned them!

***
Sioux 2,
Polar Pop is regular fountain soda. That's how they advertise it. As REALLY cold. It can't be the cup, even though they are printed with the Polar Pop logo. They're just regular foam cups like they have at the gas station chicken store. I think it's something about the temperature the soda comes out of the fountain.

It's fantastic! Especially on hot, hot days. I only put a few cubes of ice in my cup, so I don't have a watered down product. That Polar Pop never melts the ice cubes on the way home. A third of a cup of gas station chicken ice will all be melted, though.