Ain't Nobody's Business But The Mom

Yesterday the credit card bill came. You know Mrs. Hillbilly Mom...when she gets a bill, she pays it forthwith. So I told Farmer H yesterday that I would need the Christmas money from the safe. We have two safes, you know. One that Farmer H got at his old plant, and one that my dad had that we took from my mom's house last year. Big heavy things, that take more that one man to move them from truck to basement. I don't know which one Farmer H keeps the valuables in, and I don't know the combination to either. I suppose I should remedy that in the near future.

Of course Farmer H did not get out the lock-bag for me. I had to text him this morning that I was getting ready to go to the bank, and I still needed that money. Of course he didn't answer me for an hour, so I called him, and he answered, all out of breath. He said he was cutting wood, just what every 62-year-old man should be doing in cold weather, and seemed put-out that I dared call him away from that task. It's not like he wasn't told before that I wanted that money. AND he had been down to the basement three times last night.

Anyhoo...every week throughout the year, I set aside money for Christmas. We've had a Christmas club account in the past, two of them some years, and it gets to be a pain taking money by to deposit in it. So I just keep it for my own self, in envelopes marked CHRISTMAS, with a tally by the week, and put them in a lock-bag for safekeeping in the safe. Duh. Never mind that Farmer H has the combinations to the safe, and knows where I keep the key to the lock-bag. It serves its purpose of deterring him from borrowing money from that fund all willy-nilly.

I counted out the money and made up the deposit slip and headed to the bank. I was NOT going to shoot this fortune through the drive-thru tube. I would have been hard-pressed to cram it into the canister. My deposit was in twenties and hundreds. I had it grouped in specific amounts, in several envelopes. I asked the teller if she wanted it all, or in organized piles like I had it sorted. She said to put it all together, since she'd have to count it. Well. I KNEW THAT! I didn't know if they had a machine they set the bills in, or if they did it by hand.

Anyhoo...as she was counting it, thumbing through the stacks at a rapid-fire pace, she said, "Did you just sell a car?"

I was a bit taken aback. Since WHEN is it the business of the minimum wage bank teller HOW you acquired your fortune? This was totally unexpected, though I had prepared a retort in the event that I was told that my deposit would not be available for 10 business days. You never know with these people. Sometimes I think cash itself isn't good enough for this bank.

Anyhoo...I was so surprised that I answered her. "No. I put money away every week for Christmas, and now I'm going to pay the credit card bill."

I don't think she believed me.

Since when does Mrs. Hillbilly Mom care what a minimum wage bank teller thinks of her? Since she probably has a secret form to fill out to report me for money-laundering!