Thursday, December 29, 2016

Give Him An Inch, He Takes The Fifth

On Monday, the #1 Son drove me to the casino. We had been planning this outing for the week between Christmas and New Years, because he is flying out New Year's Eve morning for a west coast trip with some college housemates. Farmer H declined the offer, preferring instead to do some wiring work on the trailer HOS (His Oldest Son) put on our upper land. No skin off Mrs. HM's nose! More money for the rest of us. So it was me, #1, and another of his college house buddies who is not going on that upcoming trip.

We had a wonderful (and partially profitable) time, and left around 3:00. On the way home, #1 stopped to put gas in A-Cad (he refuses to drive T-Hoe) on my dime. He proposed a slight detour before returning to the Mansion, in order to run in The Devil's Playground for some alcohol. Let the record show that he IS 22 years old, still on his college liver, and though a teetotaler, Mrs. HM is no Carrie Nation. I agreed, so long as he also picked up some paper towels and an 8-pack of squatty plastic bottles of Diet Coke.

As #1 and Friend got out of the car, I said that I would let him put his alcohol on my debit card. Just to be nice, you know. Since he was saving me a trip to the back wall of the Playground after herding me all over the casino without benefit of a front-door drop-off.

"Oh, then I'll get top-shelf whiskey!"

"No. You'll get mid-shelf. Preferably well-drink quality, but I'll spring for mid-shelf."

"So...$15 or so?"

"That's fine."

Once inside, he called me. "How about $35 Johnny Walker Black Label?"

"How about it? What are you getting, a GALLON?"

"No. It's a regular size bottle. But it's supposed to be really smooth. I would never spend that much of my own money on whiskey. But I'd like to try it."

"You're not going to try it on MY money, either!"

"How about if I split the difference with you?"

"I don't know what you mean about that. Wouldn't I be spending 3/4 of it? No."

"Okay. I'll pay $15 and you can pay $20."

"NO...I'LL pay $15 and YOU can pay $20!"

"Oh, all right."

Anyhoo...in a few moments I saw #1 walking out with a bottle of liquor in a bag, and Friend carrying a giant 6-pack of Bounty Select-A-Size on his shoulder, along with the squatty Diet Coke 8-pack by its plastic handle. Let the record show that I had asked for a single roll, or a double pack of paper towels, but the boys wanted me to get a bargain, because that's how they shop at their college house. I think I even heard mention of a 15-pound bag of shredded cheddar. Thank the Gummi Mary I did not ask them to pick up some cheese!

The sight of them carrying that stuff, only the liquor in a bag, and the thought of them at the checkout using my debit card, made me comment:

"I'll bet people in your line thought to themselves, 'There go two young boys with a drinking problem who really care about their weight...and are really, really sloppy.'"

3 comments:

Sioux said...

Oh, since it was the Devil's Playground, I'm sure that was not the strangest combination of items purchased there. In fact, they probably looked like model citizens, compared to some of the shoppers that roam those aisles.

(Does any whiskey go down smoothly? I'm not a drinker of such liquid, but I thought all of it burned going down.)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I add a little coconut oil to my black coffee and that results in a smooth drink ...... wonder if that works on whiskey, as well? Honey would make it smooth and have the added benefit of controlling a cough. I like a little alcoholic drink now and again. Whiskey is not my favorite.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Heh, heh! You might be right on that "model citizens" part!

Back in my misspent college studentdom, I partook of a sip or two of that fiery beverage. After you've had enough, you don't notice the burn. Not even coming back up!

***
Kathy,
My grandpa swore by blackberry brandy for a cough. #1 has tried whatever brand makes a "honey" version, and pronounced it NOT GOOD. However, I think Farmer H had some last year, and made no such judgment.