"The time has come," the Momster said, "to speak of many things.
Of pounds and pounds and more said pounds, and changes such loss brings.
And why I needed new sweatpants to cover my hamstrings."
"What's going on?" Sweet Juno thought, "for you to stand so still?
Here on the porch, and right beside, the two black Weber grills?
And why am I trapped next to you, and held against my will?"
"What the eff--you stupid dog! Go! Get away from here!
It's hard enough to take this pic, without you up my rear.
Now run along, go find our Jack! Play with your spotted peer."
"Sweet Gummi Mary! I declare! You gave me such a start!
To feel that movement underfoot--be still my beating heart!
To let me stand upon your tail! I thought you were more smart!"
"I've got to mark the moment now, when I retire my clothes.
Wise choices for a solid year! And finally it shows.
I've built myself a new physique...like sheds with stuff from Lowe's."
There you have it. A goodbye to my loyal old sweatpants. Hole and all. As much as I still try to wear them, they fall right off. Suspenders on sweatpants are not a good look. Oh, the many nights we spent together in my dark basement lair! I shall miss my longtime companion.
My sweet, sweet Juno will miss those hairs from her feathery tail. How she got her tail under my foot I'll never know. Unless she was crowding in, trying to prevent Jack from getting closer to me, and I tromped on her tail as I stepped back. The sun was so bright I couldn't even see the picture I was getting on my phone screen.
We won't talk about what Jack was doing during this time. That's a story for another day, and maybe another place.