Sunday, February 5, 2017

I Used To Have A Tide Pen, But I Think It Gave Two Weeks Notice

Murphy's Law is the rule of the day at the Mansion.

Oh, who are we kidding? It's the rule 24/7, at least for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's life. No matter how she tries do stay on top of things, unMurphied, she still gets Murphed when she least expects it.

Let the record show that I have a favorite sweatshirt. It's kind of my ONLY sweatshirt, actually. It's baby blue, a crewneck, about four sizes too large now, nice and warm, starting to wear out at the cuffs. There's a little hole in the left cuff (hardly noticeable!) that makes a loop in which my thumb, or a kitchen drawer knob, often gets trapped. But I'm used to that. I can adapt.

Most days, I put on my sweatshirt over my regular shirt when I descend to my dark basement lair. Even with my underdesk heater, I feel the chill. It's probably 69 degrees down there, with the rest of the house being 70. Once my sweatshirt is on, it stays on for the day. I have to keep shoving the sleeves up as I'm cooking supper and washing dishes, but I'm in a comfortable bubble of warm air.

My sweatshirt is a bit faded. There's one little stain on it (I think that's pretty good, since I've worn it winter-daily for several years now. The spot is pretty recent, I'd say within the past six months. I tried pre-treating it with a paste of Tide, but unlike other similar efforts, that spot didn't come all the way out. I think it might have been some salsa from a Super Nachos lunch. Still, you can hardly see it, just a slightly darker spot on the upper left chest. If I wore a corsage, it would be hidden.

Since I never wear my sweatshirt out amongst the populace of Hillmomba, that stain doesn't really bother me. But the other day, I noticed my sleeves were getting saggier and saggier, and the cuffs perhaps a bit dingy, so I threw my beloved sweatshirt into the washer overnight with a load of towels. The next afternoon, I took it out when I was ready to go downstairs. So soft. So comfortable. So toasty warm.

I went out to walk, leaving my sweatshirt on, because the temps have been in the low-30s here in the evening. I wore a jacket over it, but I enjoyed the extra layer of insulation. I got Farmer H's supper ready, and took a snack downstairs for myself for later. On the snack menu that night was an individual pack of Cheez Its Cheddar Jack crackers, and a plastic container of Frank's RedHot Original Hot Sauce to dip them in. It's quite tasty if you like hot and spicy, and can handle the high sodium.

On the very last cracker, I dripped Frank's on my sweatshirt. The sweatshirt I'd taken out of the dryer only hours before. It's not like I planned to wear this sweatshirt to an awards dinner or had been invited for tea with the Queen the next day. But nobody wants to walk sit around in a sweatshirt with a fresh food stain on it, so fresh you can tell the food. I went next door to the NASCAR bathroom and treated the stain with water and soap until I went upstairs for the night. I know that Frank's is a tough one to remove. It even stains the plastic containers.

I treated that spot, about the size of a dime, in the area my hand would cover if I wore my sweatshirt to say the Pledge of Allegiance. The stain did not come all the way out, after two back-to-back washings, so I tossed it in the dryer, knowing full well that heat sets the stain. That means I was without my sweatshirt for my afternoon dark basement lair session. But when I went back up for walking and supper preparation, I removed it from the dryer to wear back down.

As soon as I sat down at my desk, I took some ice I'd carried down in a red Solo cup, pried the plastic lid off my 44 oz Diet Coke that I'd added, as always, a bit of Great Value Sugar Free Cherry Limeade powder to, and prepared to cool down my drink for the evening hours of sipping.

First ice cube...PLOP!

The spray of agitated, Cherry Limeaded, Diet Coke spewed forth and left SEVEN pink spots on my clean sweatshirt.

I'm wearing it now. It can wait a few days for laundering.


Sioux said...

HM--Since you're retired, you can wear the same clothes all week (except the underthings, I imagine) and just launder them once a week. If there is an aromatic cloud that follows you, the gas station might give you some free chicken just to get rid of you quickly, they might not insist you pay for the cup you pull when the diet-whatever is "not working" and Farmer H might stay away from you.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have a favorite sweater I crawl into every day. It is ugly, but comforting. Has lots of dog hair, even in the pockets. I wash it with extra care, hoping it will out live me. I have no illusions that would have one of my daughters keeping the sweater alive in my memory, but, just in case, I continue to work out any stains. I understand.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm surprised you don't just chuck this whole teaching thing, Madam, and start your own paid subscription website for life hacks.

You could always make the care of that sweater a condition of inheritance in your will...